I'm Back!

Hello everyone! Just wanted to let you know that I created a new blog yesterday and even posted something too. I am not going to be using this blog anymore, but I'll see you in my new blog! Love you all!

abbisthoughts.blogspot.com

Great Quote

"The most important knowledge you can acquire, and the area of learning that will keep everything else in focus for you and bring you true happiness and joy, will be your solid anchor of assurance that you are a true disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ."
-M. Russell Ballard

I love this quote. It has helped me keep perspective throughout my college career as I've been tempted to stress about tests and grades. I think it will continue to help me throughout the rest of my life, too. Nothing is as important as following the Lord Jesus Christ.

Old Car:

New Car:

My Job

Hello again! Thanks so much for your kind comments! I just wanted to give everyone an update about my job. I am going to be working at a school for children with autism in Salt Lake. I am so excited about this! I will be working in a preschool classroom. Before I applied I went and observed a classroom and I felt so much excitement thinking about being in there interacting with those kids! The student to teacher ratio is absolutely amazing--it was 2 to 1 when I was observing, and they said they try to keep it at about that. Isn't that phenomenal. I am so excited. My position is an "autism aide" and I will be working with kids, helping them reach specific goals they have, like learning their numbers, matching verbs to pictures of those verbs, and other broad goals like increasing their attention span and decreasing negative behaviors and such. So exciting!! Okay, so I know that may not sound all that exciting to you guys, but it really is for me. And hopefully I will be able to maintain my excitement over it as I am working there. :)

The only drawback to this job is that it's part-time. I'll be working in two two-week summer programs in July and August for 25 hours a week, and then once the regular school year begins in August I'll be working 31 hours a week. They open up the full-time positions to part-time faculty before they open these positions to the public, and so the part-time faculty almost always fill these positions before they would be open to applications from outsiders such as myself. So hopefully a full-time position will open up very soon after I start working there and I will get promoted to full-time. Everyone, keep your fingers crossed.

I'm Still Here

I'm still alive! I'm sorry I haven't blogged or commented on anyone's blog for a long time! I have been incredibly busy, and it is unbelievable that it's been two and half weeks since I blogged about Tevas. Time is going by so fast. I have so much to do, and it doesn't look like that's going to change before the wedding, so I may not blog very much until July. But here are some updates on my life:

1. I sold the Blazer. It was so stressful because I do not like selling things, haggling about prices, or letting go of so many memories and good times I had in that Blazer. But it was for the best, because now:
2. I have a new car that can get me to NSL and back! Chad was so good to do all the talking for me in the buying process, and then I just had to write the check. Thank you, Chad, for helping me find, drive to, decide on, and haggle the price of the car!! It is a beautiful 2001 black Honda Civic that I absolutely love. And it's nice to no longer have to harass Adam every day about when I can use the Passport.
3. I got a job! Well, actually, I haven't actually accepted it yet, but I've been offered a job and I'm going to accept it and I'll let you know the details later.
4. I took my last two midterms of my undergraduate career. Now it's just a couple projects and two finals to go!
5. My four lovely future sisters-in-law put on an AMAZING bridal shower for me last Saturday and so much family was there to support me! Thanks, everyone, you're the best!
6. I have my appointments set up for my temple recommend interview, and Chad and I have met with both of our bishops.
7. Chad and I got our marriage license this morning!
8. Chad and I went to his Residency Awards Banquet last Friday and I had such a good time. It was held at the magnificent Grand America Hotel, and I loved the beauty of it all. But most of all it was good to spend time with Chad and be able to meet and observe some of the people he works with.
9. I have my veil and jewelry all set for my wedding day, and now I just need to get shoes!
10. All the invitations are sent out, thanks to my mom! My mom is so incredibly amazing it's unreal. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have her as my mom.

Tevas

I love my mush Teva flip-flops. They are so comfortable, I wear them almost every day. Thanks to Chad's family for introducing them to me! If anyone is looking for comfy flip-flops for the summertime, these are the way to go.

Springtime

I love this time of year! I love how when I wake up, even if I wake up early, it is already light outside and in my bedroom. I love how I don't have to wake up super early to go running, because I can run later in the morning or in the evening and it won't be too hot. I love how I can hear birds chirping from my window and see pictures of frogs, turtles, and birds on my sisters' and mom's blogs! I love how the BYU campus isn't as busy during spring term. And I love how green everything is!!

May 15 is a good day

Three Happy Thoughts of the Day:
The musical numbers of BYU devotionals give me the opportunity to enjoy a great musical performance for free every week!

I love how the scriptures teach us to not esteem any person above another (Mosiah 23:7). What a novel idea for this world.
I have the best fiance in the world. Go to weddingchannel.com and type in Abbi Pyne in the top right corner and look what he made for me!

Positive Mental Attitude

On Sunday I got to spend a lovely day with Chad, Adam, Dale, Crystal, their super cute kids, Neal, Carol, Grandma Martin, and Chad's aunt, uncle, and cousins. It was a great time. We all went to church together and then hung out at Chad's aunt and uncle's house and had a delicious Mother's Day meal. Happy Late Mother's Day to all you wonderful mothers out there! You are the best thing this world has.

I really liked Dale and Crystal's ward, because they didn't have any women speak in sacrament meeting on Mother's Day. Last year Jessi had to speak on Mother's Day and this year Carrie spoke on Mother's Day, and I just don't think that's right to make women work on the one day they should have off!

But anyhow, their bishop spoke and I wanted to share with you something he said. He said that we need to work on having positive mental attitudes and replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. He said that when you feel the temptation to mentally complain or feel sorry for yourself, you need to make yourself think of at least three things good about your day or life. Isn't that a great idea? I really need to do that! And then in Relieif Society a sister shared an idea to keep a grateful journal and every night add to it a few things for which you are grateful. I like that idea, too! Would you mind if I used my blog as my grateful-for journal?

Here are a few of the things I am grateful for:

The canned nuts I bought at the grocery store the last time I was there! I love canned nuts, they are so yummy!
The fact that I look forward to going to each of my classes this term--I really enjoy what I'm learning and the assignments I get to complete, and I like the teaching styles of my teachers. I love being a student and will really miss it after I graduate!!
The opportunity I have to move my body--to dance, run, play tennis, drive, hike, clean. I think it would be very hard to be paralyzed.

What are a few of the things you are grateful for?

Go Jazz!

I have become quite the Jazz fan over the last couple weeks. I love the NBA playoffs, they are so fun! It has been so exciting to watch the last few Jazz games against the Houston Rockets and the Golden State Warriors. A lot of the games have been so close, and last night's game even went into overtime! And they won! I really like the Jazz team. I love how they work together as a team, how they get defensive and offensive rebounds, how they hustle to steal the ball and get the ball down the court, how a lot of their good players play from the bench, and how they pull through during the last minutes of the game to secure the win. I hope they can pull off the wins in the next two games at Golden State's home court this Friday and Sunday! Go Jazz!

No More Pile-Up

I am trying really hard to be positive about life, because I have SO many things to be SO happy about. Namely, all the wonderful things associated with getting to marry Chad C*. But sometimes I have a hard time being positive during the week, because I want so badly to be near him and I can't be. I hate being separated from him and not being able to see him everyday, and only being able to talk to him for about a half hour or so a day. I cannot wait to be married to him and be able to come home to him and have him come home to me. I cannot wait for the day when I don't have to think, "Just four more days and I can be with him again." In six and a half weeks that day will be here! But six and a half weeks feels like forever.

Which is why it's really funny that yesterday I started stressing out over all the things I need to get done during those six weeks. You'd think that if I thought six weeks was forever, I wouldn't stress over what I needed to do in them, because I would feel that I have so much time to get them done! But instead of taking one thing at a time, I started thinking about all there is to be done and how I don't want to do them, I just want to be married and have them over with. They were all flying around in my head and the result was a feeling of pile-up.

So I decided in order to calm myself down, I should numerate the things I need to do and then prioritize them. Here is the list, and I'll prioritize them day by day during the next six weeks:

Buy a car (get a loan)
Apply for jobs (in the hopes that I can start a good job in July)
Complete the readings for Psych 350
Write the papers for Psych 350
Complete the readings for HFL 260
Do the homework assignments for HFL 260
Go running or play tennis five times a week
Shop for:
-A sign-in book
-A wedding cake
-An outfit for my luncheon
-A temple dress and slip
-A veil
-White shoes
-Hair decorations for the wedding
-Jewelry for the wedding
-A ring for Chad
Sell my desktop
Write in my journal about the last four and a half months…
Copy my blog entries since January into my journal
Copy my emails since September into my journal
Organize my pictures from Romania
Organize all my stuff so moving to Chad’s will be easier
Read The Holy Temple
Read Between Husband and Wife
Add to my Labels list as people send me their addresses
Go to the temple once a week
Get a bishop and stake president interview for my temple reccomend
Go to the other three temple prep classes

So now that I have everything written down, I can take one thing at a time and not be overwhelmed. I need to set my life in order. This way, instead of the letting the feeling of missing Chad keep me from feeling motivated to accomplish these things, I should use my focused plan of attack to accomplish these things help me cope with the feeling of missing Chad. This is definitely something my mom has taught me--take one thing at a time, and life will feel much easier than if you think about everything you need to do all at once.

And in closing, I want to say that I feel like the luckiest girl in the world because Chad is my fiance. He is so good to me and he gives me every reason in the world to be happy. He is so patient with me and he treats me with so much kindness. I cannot believe how blessed I am to have him in my life. I love him so much and I admire him so much, for the work he does but especially for the person he is. I hope that I can endeavor to deserve him, and that I can make him feel as happy as he makes me.

Learning to Love

I am majoring in Marriage, Family, and Human Development at BYU. But being the slightly prideful person I am, I have avoided taking any classes on marriage during my college career. Funny, huh, given the name of my major. I wanted to give others the impression that I was an ambitious, academic-oriented student--not just a girl looking for her so-called "Mrs degree"--and so I chose to take the classes offered in the major that focused on human development rather than marriage or parenting. But last semester I caved in and took a class called Forming Marital Relationships from Dean Busby. I am so glad I swallowed my pride, because that class was so amazing. And as a little plug for my major, it is a rigorous research-based major heavy in reading and writing. I hope that over time the stereotype of the MFHD major as a girl who doesn't care much about school or career plans and just wants to get through school with an easy major will subside.

Okay, so on to the real reason I'm writing this entry. I wanted to share with you something that Dr. Busby shared with me about love in marriage. He spent the last few lectures of the class just going over some things that he has learned over the years of his own marriage, including more religious lessons. He shared with us the experience he had a few years ago of almost seeing his wife die and then spending weeks and weeks with her in an ICU, and since then helping her regain her physical and mental abilities. It was heart-wrenching to hear how painful this experience has been for him, but it was also beautiful to hear how much he learned through it. It was especially heart-wrenching because he had referred to his wife in illustrating certain concepts throughout the whole semester, and we had never known this had happened.

One of the many things that he said during this lecture was that this experience has taught him that learning to love is learning to die beautifully. He repeated this phrase a few times and talked about why he felt this way. My initial reaction was that love isn't about dying, it's about living. Because of this, I have thought a lot since then about what he said, and the more I think about it, the more I agree with him. And here's why:

Learning to love a person is learning to love their whole person--their eternal being, not just their mortal person. Since one of the big hindrances of love is fear, the fear of aging and death and loss keeps us from loving fully. And so the more we are able to accept the fact that aging and death and loss is just a part of one's eternal journey, the more we are able to love a person without the burden of fear of loss.

Learning to love a person is learning to make sacrifices for them--letting parts of you die that hinder you from loving them completely. Like Lamoni's father said, we should be willing to "give away all [our] sins" to be able to love others more purely. This means we have to let the not-so-great parts of us die, including our "pet sins." And I think marriage takes a lot of other sacrifices as well, that take giving up things that aren't necessarily sins but just neutral things that aren't the best for your relationship.

Learning to love a person is learning to serve them all your life, even to the point that you wear out your body in doing so. It says in the scriptures that "greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13). I think this could also apply for all the husbands and wives in the world who work so hard for their families that they wear their bodies out in doing so.

Learning to love a spouse is learning to grow old with them. I think the more experience we have with our spouses, the more we love them. And I think that's what growing old does for us. I think it's unfortunate that our culture is so fixated on youth, because there are so many great things about getting old, but since our culture focuses on fleating temporal things, we don't recognize, appreciate, or value them as much.

Learning to love is learning to die beautifully. And because of the Atonement, we can die beautifully with the assurance that we will be delivered from that death and raised up to glory. Learning to love is learning to have faith in the Atonement and the eternities, letting go of our selfishness and living our lives for others. It is losing our lives for the sake of another's. (Matt. 16:25) And in this way we will find the kind of love the whole world is searching and longing for.

Old Friends

One of my favorite parts of the wedding planning has been reconnecting with old friends. After making the list of who I wanted to send wedding invitations to, I've emailed dozens of people to see how they're doing and to ask for their addresses. I'm so glad I've had an excuse to email old friends and teachers, because it's been so great to hear back from them. It's been exciting to hear where people are, the great things they are up to, and how they are still the same wonderful people they were the last time I talked to them. I have had such wonderful friends, and I really appreciate all the kindness they are giving me now in being excited for my upcoming wedding. Thank goodness for good friends!

Two Months Away

Chad and I are getting married two months from today! Last week I had a few hard days, thinking that two months was way too long to wait and that I didn't want to be in Provo anymore, I just wanted to be with Chad. Instead of being excited for the wedding, I was dreading the two months before the wedding. I also was feeling some anxiety towards going through the temple, which was especially hard because I have always been so excited to go to the temple and I wasn't sure why I was starting to feel those feelings. I think the reason why is because I was focusing on all the comments I was receiving that it's going to be strange and overwhelming and that I will not ever be really prepared for it. Instead of thinking about why I'm going to the temple, I was focusing on the unknown "what"s of the temple, and that was making me feel stupid and anxious.

But I got to visit Chad yesterday (thanks for the ride, Mary!), and after talking with him I've decided that both of those bad attitudes have got to go! I am now going to be excited for the next two months! They will be great. I get to take two really fun classes at BYU, continue to plan the fun stuff of the wedding, enjoy my last two months as a BYU coed (any great ideas of what I should change my blog name to after I'm not a BYU coed anymore?), take a temple prep class, and make the most of living in this beautiful valley in the shadow of Y Mount and Mt. Timpanogos. Life is good! I also am going to continue to prepare to enter the temple, but not with an attitude of uneasiness, but with an attitude of excitement that I get to go to the temple as a guest of the Lord, to learn more about His ways, to worship Him more fully, and to make sacred covenants with Him. I expect I won't understand most of what's going on the first time I go through the temple, but that's okay! I've got lots of time for that! For now I will just try to enjoy what I do have.

3 Down, 3 to Go

I have three classes done for winter semester! Woohoo!! I turned in a big research paper for one of my classes yesterday and I took two MFHD finals, one yesterday and one today. That feels good. I also am done with my dance class, because I am using my Medals Exam score for my final score. I am so happy my Medals Exams went so well, because it was the last time I danced at BYU. I got the best scores I have ever gotten! The judge must have loved my dancing, because I was told I even got the highest score in my class! Which was totally unexpected! I am so happy, because I love dance so much and it feels good to receive positive feedback from a professional. My teacher hasn't given me quite as high of scores, which makes me think grading in dance is kind of biased. But I am glad the judge who scored my last Medals Exams was biased on my side! :) I am done with dance at BYU now, which makes me kind of sad, because I love ballroom dancing so much. But I look forward to the day when Chad and I can take dance lessons together! :)

"Eat Your Vegetables"

I am a believer in vegetables. But I don't always act on that belief. It's so much easier to go about my day without eating vegetables. Preparing and eating vegetables takes effort, and I've found that if I don't prioritize vegetables into my day, I just don't eat them. It's the same with exercise. I'm a believer, but I don't always prioritize that belief. But I think that when I have an attitude of, "Vegetables are so yummy and make me feel good! I love vegetables!" it's easier for me to implement them into my diet. And it's the same with exercise. If I have an attitude of, "I love exercise! It makes me feel so happy!" it's a lot easier to get my rear in gear. And there are really so many options for vegetables and exercise, it shouldn't be that hard! So, I'm going to list some vegetables and exercise that make me happy, and hopefully I'll act on them more!


Vegetables
Cooked spinach
Spinach salad
Green beans
Carrots
Peas
Edemame (thanks, Jess, for this recommendation! They are so yummy!)
Mixed veggies
Asparagus
Romaine lettuce salad
Broccoli
Bell peppers
Celery


Exercise
Running
Playing Tennis
Dancing
Walking
Hiking

Happy Birthday Dad!!

Today is my dad's birthday! I am so happy that we get to celebrate my dad today. I want to tell everyone some of the reasons why I think I have the best dad in the whole world:

He is one of the most unassuming, humble, kind, and friendly people I know.

He is a really hard worker and never complains.

He is a thinker. He reads a lot and likes to learn from other people's experiences.

He is very committed to the gospel and always follows through with his calling and family responsibilities. He lives his testimony and does not compromise his beliefs.

He is courageous and bold. He knows who he is and he is not afraid to be who he is.

He leads through love, not through fear. He sees the value and worth in the people he leads.

He is so funny! He is good at seeing the humor in things and always makes me laugh.
He does really thoughtful things like rubs your shoulders or puts a blanket on you when you're laying down on the couch.

He is true and honest. His compliments mean a lot.

He is very giving, but does not give ostentatiously or with the intent to be recognized for what he is doing.

He gives great advice! He is super good at helping people think through their options and make wise decisions.

Thanks Dad for being so wonderful! I hope this day is a fantastic one for you!

P.S. The picture's of my dad and me in Florence.

Happy Words

I love words! Words are powerful. Here are some of my favorite happy words:

Smile
Dance
Hug

Hope
Dream
Imagine

Forgive
Encourage
Celebrate

Faith
Patience
Gratitude

Family
Friends
Flowers

Love
Sing
Laugh

Monday Musings

It's such a beautiful warm day today. All these wonderful memories of last spring/summer terms have been coming back to me today and I am so happy it's spring time again. I love BYU so much. It is such a beautiful campus and I have so many happy memories here. I have had so many good times with different classmates, teachers, friends, roommates, and ward members. Even as I remember the less happy memories of the disappointments, discouragements, and depressed days I have had here, I just love this place all the more for what I've learned from those times. On days like today it is so easy to rewrite history as better and happier than it really was, and to think all the hard times were so worth it! But I know the happiness I feel today is real, and I am so grateful for it.

I applied for graduation today and so it's official! I think that's another reason I feel so positively towards BYU today. I've been reflecting on the last four years here, and I just feel so much joy for everything I've experienced here. The religion classes, MFHD classes, dance classes, English classes, TA and research positions, ward activities, and all the other blood, sweat, tears, laughter, and triumph that go along with those things have been so enriching. I am going to miss BYU a lot when I leave it in June! But I'm going on to even happier places, so I don't need to be sad.

Speaking of happier places, the wedding plans are coming along nicely! I bought a dress, so that's a wonderful feeling! We found a bridesmaid outfit, so that's a wonderful feeling! I just have to say I remember not quite understanding what the term "social resources" meant the first time I heard it. Well, now I can say I TOTALLY know what it means! Chad and I have the best social resources in planning this wedding. It has been so much easier with all my mom's help. Thank you, Mom, for everything you do! You're the best! Thank you to everyone else who has offered help as well. I owe you all big time.

I'm getting married!

And this is who I'm getting married to! Isn't he cute?!

This is us on one of our easier hikes the day we got engaged.

This is the view from another easy hike we did that day. The view is amazing!

And here's the view from the top of Angel's Landing. I took this shortly after Chad proposed. This view is absolutely breathtaking.

This is the view I was looking out on when Chad said my name and I turned around to see him on his knee!

It was really really windy up there!

This is the last part of the hike--we were on the far side of the peak when he proposed. I'm so brave!

The last week and a half has been packed with wedding plans. We already have the temple booked, the places for the reception and luncheon booked, a photographer hired, a date set to take our engagement pictures, our registry list completed at two different stores, and I've made some good progress in wedding dress shopping. And Chad's address list for invitations is almost complete! We've met with someone about food, cake, flowers, and decorations at the reception place. And we are making a lot of progress when it comes to bridesmaids dresses. Not to mention I already have my ring! :)

In the midst of all this planning, I have felt tempted to stress over the little things. Over how things will look, how things will turn out, all there is to be done! I have to continually remind myself that these things are not what is important, and that Heavenly Father will help everything important fall into place. Because some things will inevitably go wrong during the wedding celebrations, but if we stay close to the Lord, nothing eternally significant will go wrong.

Tonight I especially felt the need to stop and ponder about why I'm doing all this. Why all the fuss over this wedding? What is the purpose behind all of it--the flowers, the dresses, the cake? As I did, my thoughts turned to marriage, and the transcendent beauty of it. All this planning is to celebrate the coming together of two individuals, the coming together of two families, the creation of a new family. It is not a show. It is simply a celebration. And stress really spoils the purpose of celebration, so I'm going to try really hard to not stress! I'm going to try to enjoy it and carry the spirit of excitement and delight inherent in such a happy time.

As I was thinking about marriage, and about how excited I am to be married to Chad, I decided to jot my feelings out into a poem, and I thought I'd share it with you.

Into Forever

I’m marrying a lifetime of new music
Music that I can dance to, worship with, and listen to in the backdrop of my dreams.
And there will also be forlorn music, music that I will cry to, but grow by as well.
Glorious music I’ve never heard before.

I’m marrying a lifetime of security.
Security in a beautiful home with a trustworthy husband.
And we’ll grow a garden in the backyard and make bread in the kitchen.
And at the end of the day, we’ll have someone to come home to who cares.

I’m marrying a lifetime of risk.
Untold adventures to places I’ve never been before.
Like the Grand Canyon, South America, maybe even Asia!
And someday…parenthood.

I’m marrying a lifetime of lessons.
Lessons on who I am, and who God intends me to be.
I’ll learn more about how the world works, and what the human experience is about.
And hopefully I will learn well the lessons on how I can enrich both.

I’m marrying a boundless family.
A family that is eternal in size and time and scope.
A family that stretches out in all directions
And influences the destiny of the universe.

I’m marrying a man.
But not just the man I see today, but the man he will be in the eternities.
He will be my friend, my lover, my partner, my confidant, my to-have-and-to-hold
Into forever.

I share this with you as a declaration of the purpose behind all these wedding plans. Hopefully by sharing this I will be more empowered to live it! Wish me luck!

I am so happy!!

I have had the best weekend, even better than last weekend! I am so blessed! On Thursday Chad and I drove down to his parents' house and we had a great evening with his family there. And then on Friday morning we got up early and drove to Zion National Park and hiked Angel's Landing so we could get to the top before sunrise. At the top Chad surprised me and proposed!! And of course I said yes! It was so incredibly beautiful and perfect. I couldn't be happier. The rest of the day we hiked other smaller hikes together and I am so in love. Later that night his siblings Jon and Caytee joined us and we had a great evening together and then camped there overnight. The next day we hiked the Emerald Pools. Zions is so, so beautiful! And then we went to St. George and played tennis together and then had dinner with his parents and grandma. And this morning we had a lovely dinner with his parents (they are so, so good to us!!) and then drove out and visited with the Payson clan (who have hosted our dating--big thanks to you!) before having a nice dinner with my mom and grandparents and cousin. Wow! I am so excited to marry Chad, and I am so excited to be a part of Chad's family and for Chad to be a part of my family. Here are some pictures from our weekend:

We started our hike super early while it was still dark, and so luckily Chad had a head lamp and bought me one too.

Angel's Landing--it's super scary for people who are afraid of heights such as I!

After Chad proposed we watched the sun rise. We are so happy!!

I'll post more pictures of the weekend later!

P.S. Kim, could you invite me to view your blog? I would love to read it!

Listen to This!!

I am so excited to share with you something I think is VERY important! When Elder Bednar was visiting my stake conference this weekend, he told us a story from when he was the president of Ricks, turning into BYU-I. It was a Friday, and the next Tuesday Elder Maxwell was going to be the speaker at their devotional and tell them how to make BYU-I what it should be. That Friday night there was a leadership conference, and Elder (President) Bednar asked all the leaders (about 200 of them if I can remember right) to please wear their Sunday best to the devotional to show they were prepared to hear what Elder Maxwell had to say to them. He also asked them to tell four people, who should all tell three people, who should all tell two people, who should all tell one person, to do the same. Well, it worked! That Tuesday, about 80% of the devotional attendees were in their Sunday best and the meeting was really strong at the devotional. Elder Maxwell asked Elder (President) Bednar, “What is going on?” and Elder Bednar said they were prepared to hear what he was going to say to them.

Well, then he told us that just as he asked those leaders at BYU-I to do something and share the news, he was going to ask us to do something and share the news. He told us that if we did what he told us to do, we could make a big difference just as the university leaders had. And this is what he asked us to do: He asked us to please stop praying for the missionaries to find people to teach. He said that it is not the missionaries’ job to find people to teach—it is the members’ job to find people to teach! It is the missionaries’ job to teach the people the members invite into their homes. He said the members need to stop praying that the missionaries will do their job! And he said the members should instead pray for the courage and strength to open their mouths and share the gospel and invite people into their homes to be taught by the missionaries, and for the missionaries to have the Spirit as they teach.

He said that in the late 90’s, President Hinckley asked the membership to please double the number of people baptized in their stakes and wards. Well, it hasn’t even come close to happening yet, and that was nearly 10 years ago. He said in order for us to answer President Hinckley’s call, each ward needs to nearly triple the number of people who are taught in members’ homes each month.

H said that a common question he gets as he travels around the world is, “When are the missionaries going to be able to get into China [or India]?” He said we only have 53,000 missionaries, and there is no way we are ready to go into China with only that meager amount of missionaries. There are billions of people in China and India, and we are not prepared!! We do not have enough missionaries yet!

Now, I normally do not like the emphasis on numbers in missionary work, and so I hope you don’t think this blog is all about getting people baptized. But I love Indian and Chinese people so much, and the only way the Church will be able to enter their countries and teach them the marvelous gospel of Jesus Christ is if we have WAY more missionaries than we have now. And the only way that is going to happen is if the members start being missionaries!

Now, the cool part about this request is that Elder Bednar said that if we spread this message, the personal influence all of us would have in sharing it could possibly change the course of missionary work! Isn’t that exciting?! So if you could please send this simple message on to your families and wards and stakes, I would greatly appreciate it! We can change the course of missionary work!

Don’t pray for the missionaries to find people to teach who are ready to learn the gospel! Pray for the MEMBERS to find people who are ready to learn the gospel for the missionaries to teach!

Wonderful Weekend

I had the best weekend last weekend!! It has been filled with my favorite things!

On Friday and Saturday I got to spend time with my old roommates Lorette and Teri and Jen. On Saturday I got to visit Shana and her family and my grandparents. And on Saturday and Monday I got to spend time with Chad! I love those people!

My stake conference was this weekend, and Elder Bednar was there. I was able to listen to Elder Bednar, an apostle of God, speak for almost two hours! One hour on Saturday and one hour on Sunday. He is an amazing speaker!! I am going to do another blog about something he said that I am SO excited about! He is such a tender, powerful, funny, wise person! I’ll confess I used to be a little afraid of him, but not anymore! I love Elder Bednar!

On Friday I was able to attend a meeting to increase awareness and motivation to help alleviate the problem of world poverty and hunger. I love international development and want to help children!

And last but not least, I danced in three rounds of fox trot and three rounds of tango in DanceSport! And I was able to watch two nights of AMAZING ballroom dance on Friday and Saturday night! It moves me! It is just so beautiful and expressive. One couple’s smooth waltz honestly brought me to tears, it conveyed so beautifully the love and magic that can be in a relationship. The pictures at the bottom of this post are pictures the photographer took of my partner and me during the competition. All of the fox trot pictures looked pretty much the same, so I only got one of them, but I liked three of the tango pictures, so I got those. I look pretty intense in the tango pictures, but that’s okay because the tango is an intense dance! I love ballroom dance!

Hasn’t it been a wonderful weekend?!

Fox Trot

This is what my partner and I pretty much looked like yesterday in our DanceSport fox trot competition. Just kidding. But we did make it to the semifinal round! This was a big surprise and happy thing, because we are only in the 284 class and the fox trot was the 382 competition! I didn't even expect to get called back once. There were probably between 30 and 40 couples in the competition and we made it in the top 13! The final round had 6 couples in it, and so I told Chad that I think my partner and I were probably #7. :) Yay for us! I will let you know how our tango competition goes on Saturday!

No More Suave

Last time I bought conditioner I bought Suave because it was super cheap and it smelt good. After two months of using it, I've realized it wasn't worth it. I have more split ends now than I can ever remember having. Even though I just got a hair cut, I can still find split ends in my hair. For the last couple days I keep wanting to look through my hair and find them and cut them off. Hopefully after a few weeks of using a better conditioner and cutting off my split ends, my hair will be back to its normal healthy self!

Nicknames

I think nicknames are some of the most endearing things. They make you feel so special! Here are some nicknames I've been given in the past:

Absi-doodle (Mom calls me this)
Absi-doodle-stroodle-bug (Mom calls me this)
Abbi-a-gail (Mom calls me this)
Bug (What Jessi used to call me when I was little)
Abber-Cadabber (My family used to call me this when I was little)
Greta (One of Amber's nicknames for me, because I was Greta Garbo in a play in junior high)Chucka Rou (One of Amber's nicknames for me--long story)
Glowy (One of Amber's nicknames for me--long story)
Abbi-gator (Friends in Michigan called me this, because I was the "navigator" whenever we went anywhere)
Absters (From my email address)
Abbi-Normal (From "Young Frankenstein")

What are yours??

I LOVE

-How white the world is after it snows
-That I get to look forward to talking to Chad on the phone or seeing Chad in person
-The feeling of just turning in a test or a paper
-Being winked at
-Saying hi to old friends on campus
-Getting enough sleep
-Ballroom dancing
-Singles wards' sacrament meetings
-Learning about art and music
-Living in a world with indoor plumbing
-Receiving compliments
-Giving compliments
-Getting massages
-Living close enough to my work (i.e., school) that I can walk there
-Greg Olsen's "In His Consant Care" painting
-Reading really good novels (something I also miss!)
-Laughing at Adam's jokes
-My roommates this semester
-BYU (something I will miss after I graduate this August!)
-Payson (where I get to go this weekend! yay!)
-Little kids and the cute things they say
-The brown coat my parents gave me
-The blue coat Chad gave me

Valentine's Surprise

This is what I came home to on Valentine's Day! Two dozen long-stemmed roses leaning up against my front door! They are so, so beautiful, and the picture just does not capture how beautiful they are. Every time I look at them I think they are more beautiful and I want to take another picture of them. :) Thanks Chad!!

"Mine!"

I have recently been thinking a lot about how individualistic our society is. We focus on the good of the individual far more than the good of the group, whether that be a family, ward, community, etc. Our vocabulary is packed with words that have to do with the individual, such as self-fulfillment, self-expression, self-esteem, self-actualization. We value indepedence more than interdependence, autonomy more than connection, competition more than collaboration. We put way more emphasis on individual happiness than group harmony.

In one of my classes we talked a lot about how individualism has affected how we see marriage. Marriage today is seen as a means for self-fulfillment rather than as a means to create a family. And people say, if your marriage isn't helping you achieve the self-actualization you wished it would, why then, get a divorce! There is much less concern about how a divorce would potentially affect your parents, your neighborhood, your spouse, your children. Everything is couched in terms of the individual, not the relationship or group. We are taught to think first and foremost about ourselves and our own self-fulfillment.

I have noticed that this individualism has affected me and my thought processes. One way I noticed it has affected me is that I want everything to be mine. If I see someone else dance well, I think, "I wish I could dance like that." If I see someone who is dressed really nicely, I think, "I wish I had those clothes." If I see someone who has really pretty hair, skin, smile, etc., I think, "I wish I had hair, skin, smile, etc. like that." When I hear that someone ran twenty miles this week, I wish I could be that in shape. If I see any talent, virtue, or gift in another person, I want that talent, virtue, or gift to be mine.

Now, I can see how desiring the gifts that others have could potentially motivate me to develop excellence in myself, but I can also see how it could come awful close to the sins of jealousy, ungratefulness, and coveting. Since when do I have to own something in order to take pleasure in it? What is it about ownership that is so enticing? When I see something pleasing or beautiful, why do I want it to be mine? Why can't I just take pleasure in the thing itself without needing it to be mine?

I think part of the answer may lay in the individualistic mindset our society has. We are taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the individual more than what benefits the group. If I grew up being taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the group more often, I think it would be easier for me to take pleasure in others' talents, beauty, gifts, and virtues--because I would be able to see how they benefit all of us, and be happy for that. On the other hand, in an individualistic mindset, when I see someone else's gifts, I think, "That thing isn't benefiting me personally, and so I want it so it can."

Recently I have been trying to take pleasure in others' talents, gifts, beautiful things, and virtues without desiring them for myself. When I see a beautiful article of clothing, instead of wishing it were mine, I try to take pleasure in the beauty of it and let it end there. When I see someone succeed, I try to take pleasure in their success and let it end there. When I see someone display a talent, I try to appreciate that talent and let it end there. I try to see and value how "all things bright and beautiful" benefit us all rather than wishing they would personally benefit me more.

And it's funny, because with this mindset, I am liberated to develop and enrich my own talents, virtues, gifts, and beauty without being burdened with the desire for others'. In addition, I am able to take more pleasure in life without the demoralizing effects of envy or ingratitude. Perhaps self-fulfillment is actually best achieved through a collectivistic mindset! Perhaps I am most enabled to achieve self-actualization when I am motivated to reach it for the benefit of others! It seems to me that, as counterintuitive as it may sound, individualism is not actually beneficial to the individual at all.

Discovery

Isn't this so true?! I hope I can see my landscapes with new eyes today, and be more grateful and happy because of it.

Tennis Mentality

Last week one of my good friends from Michigan called and asked me if I could give him some pointers for his upcoming intramurals tennis match. I agreed, and he said he would schedule an indoor court on Monday morning for us to play. Last night I called him to ask him what time we were going to play, and he told me we were going to have to cancel because all the courts were booked.

I felt bad I couldn't help him, but I decided to give him what advice I could over the phone. I said, "The one thing I would reccomend is to not get down on yourself when you make mistakes. Everyone plays worse when they get frustrated with themselves, so try really hard not to get frustrated with yourself. When you make mistakes, just let them go and don't get mad at yourself. If you just try to have fun with it, you'll probably play a lot better."

After I hung up the phone, I realized how great that advice really is! Not only in tennis, but in every aspect of life. And I also realized I really needed to take my own advice! In tennis I am usually pretty good at staying positive, but sometimes in regular life I can get down on myself. And just like in tennis, I don't do as well when I get frustrated with myself like this. I need to remember to have patience with myself, forgive myself, and not make a big deal about how I'm not perfect (or even very good at all) at some things. If I just keep trying, and believe in myself, and keep a positive mental attitude, I will do much better than if I let myself think negative thoughts about myself.

One of my favorite tennis shirts is a shirt that says on the back, "Tennis is 95% mental, and 5% physical." While I don't completely agree with that statement, I like its message. And I think it fits even better with the rest of life--so much of life is just the attitude we have!!

Bad Dreams

Sometimes I go through stages where I will have bad dreams on a fairly consistent basis. Here are some of the unpleasant and strange dreams I remember having in the last ten years or so:

• Dinosaurs attacking my apartment complex
• Trying to get to the Provo temple while Provo was under seige, and trying to get there without the enemies finding me
• Helicopters dropping bombs on the BYU campus
• A gunman shooting people on the BYU campus
• American Indians attacking my neighborhood
• Being chased by bears
• Having to walk across a rickety old bridge
• Driving super fast on super hilly roads and not having control over the car
• Driving up a hill so steep the car fell backwards off the edge of the hill (The funniest part about this dream was that I remember thinking while the car was falling in mid-air, "Just relax, Abbi. People who are asleep in car accidents get hurt less than those who tense up, so just close your eyes and try to relax." Haha.)
• Family members going off to war
• Family members dying
• Being betrayed by my best friend
• Being ignored by President Hinckley

Within the last month, I have been in one of these stages. I’ve dreamt about:

• Being held hostage on a Romanian train
• Being attacked by a really well-dressed man on a Romanian street and defending myself with a knife I had in my hand
• Swimming in a Romanian pool full of poop and worrying that it wasn’t sanitary
• Having to testify in court for a friend who had been accused of a grave crime
• Flying in an unsafe contraption over northern Germany
• Breaking up with Chad and wondering why I had let that happen
• Finding out my dad was dying
• Getting really angry at some good friends for no good reason

A lot of these dreams really sound comical written out in black and white, huh?! But on a more serious note, I’ve been tired easier and more often than usual lately, and I’m wondering if it’s because my sleep isn’t restful because of my dreams. Has anyone else experienced crazy dreams like this? Or do you think I should seek psychological help? :)

Transitions

I like change. I think there is value in having things mixed up every once and a while. During the course of my college career, I've been able to experience a lot of changes, because I have moved so often (including two moves to international places). It's been nice, but I have realized that while I do like the final outcome of change, I have a hard time with the transition part of change. Here’s a poem I wrote about how I sometimes feel during transitions.

Scrambled
My life is a bucket.
Turned upside down.
And emptied of all its contents.

My plans.
My purpose.
My feelings.

My thoughts.
My motivations.
My fears.

My past.
My present.
My future.

I am trying hard to gather them up.
To piece them all back together.
But all the pieces don’t fit.

They are Scrambled.
Jumbled.
Discombobulated.

I am Scrambling.
Jumbling.
Discombobulating.

I hope I’ll wake up soon.
As Mary Poppins’ carpet bag.
And everything will magically fit!

Expect resistance

"The great learner expects resistance and overcomes it." -Elder Eyring, 1997 BYU Devotional Address

I think this is great advice. For school, work, health, relationships, righteous living, etc. We are going to have resistance, but we can overcome it! And I think it'll probably be easier if we expect it. That way when it comes, we won't waste energy freaking out over it. We can instead put all our energy into overcoming it.

Loaded Questions!

I am following Jessi and Audra's lead in answering these questions from my favorite game, Loaded Questions.

Favorite kind of cereal: For healthy value: grape nuts and Great Grains. For yummy value: Lucky Charms.
What animal or insect disgusts you the most? I really don't like large hairy spiders.
What do you need more of right now? Time to read text books and write papers.
What is the hardest thing for you to do? I have a hard time motivating myself to do push ups or ab exercises after running.
Deoderant brand: Secret
How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Between 15 minutes to 1.5 hours.
What is your most prized object? I don't have one, but I do cherish my laptop, afghan, London scrapbook, and pearl necklace.
What are you thankful you're not doing now? Starving.
If you talked in your sleep, what would you say? I do talk in my sleep, and I say random, meaningless things. Actually, there's one exception to that--one time my roommate told me I bore my testimony really fast in my sleep.
What is your favorite drink? Sparkling grape juice
Favorite way to eat potatoes? Garlic mashed potatoes.
If you could be a character in any novel, who would you be? I don't want to be anyone but me, but I do like Elinor Dashwood, Jane Eyre, Anne of Green Gables, and Anne Elliot.
Favorite ice cream toppings: If I could pick one, it would be Tina and Tony's home-made caramel from the London Centre. But in just any regular context: Magic Shell and toffee bits.
Where do you want to spend the rest of your life? Lots and lots of places.
What do you bring most to a friendship? Kindness.
On a scale of 1-10, how hip are you? 6. Can anyone imagine me hip-hop dancing? Haha.
What kind of music makes you want to get up and sing? Musicals, country music, and oldies.
What are you an expert in? Playing with Romanian orphans.
What have you tried and simply were not good at? Snow-skiing.
Favorite movie line? "My heart is, and always will be...yours."
What is your "theme song"? Martina McBride's "Blessed"
What is your most annoying habit? To me--eating too much. To others--I think I talk pretty loud when I talk on the phone.
If fat, calories, etc. weren't an issue, what food would you feast on? The better question is, what food would I NOT feast on?
How much can you bench press? Not very much, but I don't really know because it's been years since I've been weight-lifting.
What fictional character would you like to meet? Sarah Agnes Prine.
What is the ultimate vacation? Somewhere I've never been before with people I love who are well-traveled and have my same values in traveling.
What is the best thing about your job? The flexibility and power I have over how I use my time.
What is the worst thing about your job? Not enough people interaction--too much reading, studying, writing papers by myself.
What is the last movie that made your eyes tear up? I can't remember. I might have teared up in "Wives and Daughters," but I can't remember.
What super-power would you like? The ability to be in a different location at the snap of my fingers--traveling and dating someone an hour away would be so much easier that way!
Would you rather be smart, rich, or beautiful? Smart.
What advice would you give to the President? Be grateful, smart, clean, true, humble, and prayerful.
What character attribute do you admire most? I have two: humility and compassion.
Where do you usually buy your clothes? Gap.
What is the nicest thing you have ever bought somebody? Audra's "Les Mis" tickets.
How would you spend $1000? I'd put it in my savings account and end up using it on a lot of little things.
What do you want to change about your life? How in shape and strong I am.
Who is your best friend? Chad.
What would you like to accomplish this year? Get in shape, graduate, get a job.
What book has had the greatest impact on your life? The Book of Mormon.
What do you do everyday? Pray, eat, talk, read.
What food do you refuse to eat? Shrimp--not because I don't like it, but because it doesn't like me. :)
What one word would you use to describe your current relationship? Blissful.
What is the best purchase you have made? My laptop.
What one word describes your life? Happily busy.

Humility and Humor

I love this picture. She looks Romanian. And really happy. One of my goals for this year is to enjoy the work and hard things in my life. I want to make the most of what I've got, and not get too stressed about anything. I want to have a sense of humor about myself and the things I'm going through. I want to laugh a lot! And I've decided that in order to do this, I gotta be humble. In order to have a sense of HUMor about myself, I gotta be HUMble! :)

I've been reading a lot of my journal entries from Romania in the last couple days, and I have just gotten a kick out of a lot of them! It's so fun to look back and laugh at myself, and laugh at how I still have a lot of the quirks found in those journal entries. Life is grand when you can laugh at yourself!

"E bine!"

Chad and I have recently had a few conversations about the pervasive attitude in our nation that we deserve whatever we want. It's normal for us to feel like we are entitled to so many things that most people in the history of the world have never had. And because of this, it's easy to fall into the trap of ungratefulness.

I haven't thought much about this until recently, and when Chad has brought it up, it has made a lot of sense to me. In Romania, the many times the phone, internet, heater, and washing machine didn't work, it was no big deal. Because we were in Romania--that's what we expected!

But since being home, I have found myself feeling so bothered when things haven't worked. There were some problems in our apartment complex this week, and so we weren't supposed to use our washing machine for a couple days, and one night our hot water had to be turned off for a little bit. Not a big deal, and yet I felt so inconvenienced! And then one day this week, in the middle of printing off a huge document for school, the printer I was using in the BYU library got jammed and messed up the order of a few pages in the middle of the document. My immediate reaction was to feel super irritated, but I had to tell myself that it was going to be okay and to just calm down.

This is disturbing to me! I think if these things had happened in Romania, my response would have been to let it go and say, "E bine!" I said, "E bine!" all the time in Romania. "E bine" means "It's cool/It's fine/It's good/No problem/Etc." in Romanian. I miss saying it, and I think I want to start saying "It's good" as often here as I said "E bine" while I was in Romania. I was so easy-going with malfunctioning things in Romania, and I want to have that same attitude here. I was so good at being inconvenienced in Romania, and I want to continue to strengthen and develop this attribute in America.

I don't want to be an ungrateful American. I want to always be grateful for my washing machine, hot water heater, and BYU printers, rather than feeling so irritated when they are temporarily malfunctioning. For the rest of my life, I want to battle the temptation to feel entitled to or deserving of whatever I want.

My Sisters

I have the best sisters in the world. I am so grateful that I was able to spend Christmas break with them. I had such a good time with them! They are such good examples to me of righteous women, daughters of God, wives, mothers, and neighbors. I hope I can grow to be more like them every day. I admire them so much!

I admire how Jessi:

Responds, "Absolutely!" when her kids or her kids' friends ask her for something they can have.

Decorates her home in the way that makes her (and me!) feel good and happy.

Is so self-sacrificing and willing to spend tons of time on service and gifts that are meaningful and special for her friends and family.

Gets not only herself ready and pretty every day, but also her four girls.

Can do amazing amounts of laundry.

Responds to her girls' moments of stubborness, sadness, embarrassment, and tantrums with patience and compassion.

Sits alone with her four girls all through Sacrament meeting every Sunday.

Can talk me through an emotional breakdown, helping me arrive at reason without making me feel stupid or guilty. :)

I admire how Audra:

Listens to her kids in a way that makes them feel comfortable to tell her anything.

Is so good at record-keeping, scrap-booking, photography, and the visual arts in general.

Can shop and accessorize as though it was nothing! :)

Praises her kids in a way that builds their self-confidence, without reinforcing the idea that their worth comes from their accomplishments.

Has a high-degree of self-awareness and self-understanding.

Teaches her boys why things are right and wrong, and doesn't withdraw love when they choose the wrong.

Encourages (and endures) her boys' extraordinary levels of energy and enthusiasm for life.

Can talk me through an emotional breakdown, helping me arrive at reason without making me feel stupid or guilty. :)

P.S. And aren't they both so beautiful?!!

I want to be smart

I have so much writing to do for my classes, I feel like I don't have time to write in my blog. But I think I'll try to post real short entries with quick thoughts for fun.
And today, I want to share something my mom told me today: No effort is wasted. Isn't that great?! No effort is wasted! Even if the effort doesn't result in any tangible or visible outcomes.
Also, I wanted to say that it's hard for me to be at school and not get sucked up in the attitude that being smart is the most important thing in the world. Yesterday I came home from my classes wanting to be smart so bad. Yesterday as I was thinking about that, I thought to myself, "I want to be smart...and social, and skinny, and spiritual, and successful..." Sometimes it's hard to not become overwhelmed here at BYU! Or remember what's most important. I need to remember that it's nice to be smart, but it's smarter to be nice. :) (Okay, so that's not how the MormonAd goes, but oh well...)
Also, it feels wonderful to be reunited with the BYU library. Oh how I love it!


Also, today I decided I need to be more humble. A lot more humble. I'll work on it.

My Amazing Boyfriend

Last August I posted an entry about how we can all do hard things if we believe in ourselves. My boyfriend Chad is an incredible example of this to me. I am consistently amazed by his ability to face challenges, cope with opposition, and do hard things! Right now he is in his second year of residency in pediatrics, and the demands placed on him at work are enormous. Not only is his work taxing physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. But I never hear him complain. He enjoys his work, and makes the most of the unpleasant aspects of the career he has chosen

You'd think his work would wear him out enough, but he also finds time to take on additional challenging activities outside of work. Last August during a particularly demanding rotation, he spent the one and only day he had off hiking Mt. Timpanogos with me. This picture is actually of us at the top of the mountain. The 16 mile hike left me sore for days after, but he was hardly phased by it. And why is that? Because he was well prepared by the triathlon he had completed less than a month prior.

Not only that, but he also finds time to travel, learn foreign languages, and save the world. :) Last September he completed a rotation in Guatemala, while undergoing a rigorous 4 week Spanish course. He also spent a week in Ecuador during a week he had off last June, and is currently planning a trip to Mexico with his family this March.

Speaking of Chad's family, he also makes sure to spend as much time with them as he can. I have been able to attend many family gatherings with him, and there have been even more I have not been able to attend with him. I know he is greatly loved as a son, grandson, nephew, brother, and uncle. Last weekend when I was able to see his family again for the first time in over four months, the first thing his three year old nephew said to me was, "Where's Uncle Chad?" Everyone loves him, because he is kind, humble, compassionate, witty, helpful, respectful, tolerant, and forgiving.

Now, you may just think I'm biased because I'm in love, but I really do think that anyone who knows Chad would agree with me that he is one remarkable person. And you know what's really remarkable? On top of everything, he still finds the time and energy to spend time with me, do the things I want to do (like hike Mt. Timpanogos!!), do nice things for me, talk to me on the phone, make the hour drive to visit me, and give me the emotional support I need. Wow, huh!!! Am I one lucky girl or what?!