I think nicknames are some of the most endearing things. They make you feel so special! Here are some nicknames I've been given in the past:
Absi-doodle (Mom calls me this)
Absi-doodle-stroodle-bug (Mom calls me this)
Abbi-a-gail (Mom calls me this)
Bug (What Jessi used to call me when I was little)
Abber-Cadabber (My family used to call me this when I was little)
Greta (One of Amber's nicknames for me, because I was Greta Garbo in a play in junior high)Chucka Rou (One of Amber's nicknames for me--long story)
Glowy (One of Amber's nicknames for me--long story)
Abbi-gator (Friends in Michigan called me this, because I was the "navigator" whenever we went anywhere)
Absters (From my email address)
Abbi-Normal (From "Young Frankenstein")
What are yours??
Friday, February 23, 2007
I LOVE
-How white the world is after it snows-That I get to look forward to talking to Chad on the phone or seeing Chad in person
-The feeling of just turning in a test or a paper
-Being winked at
-Saying hi to old friends on campus
-Getting enough sleep
-Ballroom dancing
-Singles wards' sacrament meetings
-Learning about art and music
-Living in a world with indoor plumbing
-Receiving compliments
-Giving compliments
-Getting massages
-Living close enough to my work (i.e., school) that I can walk there
-Greg Olsen's "In His Consant Care" painting
-Reading really good novels (something I also miss!)
-Laughing at Adam's jokes
-My roommates this semester
-BYU (something I will miss after I graduate this August!)
-Payson (where I get to go this weekend! yay!)
-Little kids and the cute things they say
-The brown coat my parents gave me
-The blue coat Chad gave me
Friday, February 16, 2007
Valentine's Surprise
This is what I came home to on Valentine's Day! Two dozen long-stemmed roses leaning up against my front door! They are so, so beautiful, and the picture just does not capture how beautiful they are. Every time I look at them I think they are more beautiful and I want to take another picture of them. :) Thanks Chad!!
"Mine!"
I have recently been thinking a lot about how individualistic our society is. We focus on the good of the individual far more than the good of the group, whether that be a family, ward, community, etc. Our vocabulary is packed with words that have to do with the individual, such as self-fulfillment, self-expression, self-esteem, self-actualization. We value indepedence more than interdependence, autonomy more than connection, competition more than collaboration. We put way more emphasis on individual happiness than group harmony.
In one of my classes we talked a lot about how individualism has affected how we see marriage. Marriage today is seen as a means for self-fulfillment rather than as a means to create a family. And people say, if your marriage isn't helping you achieve the self-actualization you wished it would, why then, get a divorce! There is much less concern about how a divorce would potentially affect your parents, your neighborhood, your spouse, your children. Everything is couched in terms of the individual, not the relationship or group. We are taught to think first and foremost about ourselves and our own self-fulfillment.
I have noticed that this individualism has affected me and my thought processes. One way I noticed it has affected me is that I want everything to be mine. If I see someone else dance well, I think, "I wish I could dance like that." If I see someone who is dressed really nicely, I think, "I wish I had those clothes." If I see someone who has really pretty hair, skin, smile, etc., I think, "I wish I had hair, skin, smile, etc. like that." When I hear that someone ran twenty miles this week, I wish I could be that in shape. If I see any talent, virtue, or gift in another person, I want that talent, virtue, or gift to be mine.
Now, I can see how desiring the gifts that others have could potentially motivate me to develop excellence in myself, but I can also see how it could come awful close to the sins of jealousy, ungratefulness, and coveting. Since when do I have to own something in order to take pleasure in it? What is it about ownership that is so enticing? When I see something pleasing or beautiful, why do I want it to be mine? Why can't I just take pleasure in the thing itself without needing it to be mine?
I think part of the answer may lay in the individualistic mindset our society has. We are taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the individual more than what benefits the group. If I grew up being taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the group more often, I think it would be easier for me to take pleasure in others' talents, beauty, gifts, and virtues--because I would be able to see how they benefit all of us, and be happy for that. On the other hand, in an individualistic mindset, when I see someone else's gifts, I think, "That thing isn't benefiting me personally, and so I want it so it can."
Recently I have been trying to take pleasure in others' talents, gifts, beautiful things, and virtues without desiring them for myself. When I see a beautiful article of clothing, instead of wishing it were mine, I try to take pleasure in the beauty of it and let it end there. When I see someone succeed, I try to take pleasure in their success and let it end there. When I see someone display a talent, I try to appreciate that talent and let it end there. I try to see and value how "all things bright and beautiful" benefit us all rather than wishing they would personally benefit me more.
And it's funny, because with this mindset, I am liberated to develop and enrich my own talents, virtues, gifts, and beauty without being burdened with the desire for others'. In addition, I am able to take more pleasure in life without the demoralizing effects of envy or ingratitude. Perhaps self-fulfillment is actually best achieved through a collectivistic mindset! Perhaps I am most enabled to achieve self-actualization when I am motivated to reach it for the benefit of others! It seems to me that, as counterintuitive as it may sound, individualism is not actually beneficial to the individual at all.
In one of my classes we talked a lot about how individualism has affected how we see marriage. Marriage today is seen as a means for self-fulfillment rather than as a means to create a family. And people say, if your marriage isn't helping you achieve the self-actualization you wished it would, why then, get a divorce! There is much less concern about how a divorce would potentially affect your parents, your neighborhood, your spouse, your children. Everything is couched in terms of the individual, not the relationship or group. We are taught to think first and foremost about ourselves and our own self-fulfillment.
I have noticed that this individualism has affected me and my thought processes. One way I noticed it has affected me is that I want everything to be mine. If I see someone else dance well, I think, "I wish I could dance like that." If I see someone who is dressed really nicely, I think, "I wish I had those clothes." If I see someone who has really pretty hair, skin, smile, etc., I think, "I wish I had hair, skin, smile, etc. like that." When I hear that someone ran twenty miles this week, I wish I could be that in shape. If I see any talent, virtue, or gift in another person, I want that talent, virtue, or gift to be mine.
Now, I can see how desiring the gifts that others have could potentially motivate me to develop excellence in myself, but I can also see how it could come awful close to the sins of jealousy, ungratefulness, and coveting. Since when do I have to own something in order to take pleasure in it? What is it about ownership that is so enticing? When I see something pleasing or beautiful, why do I want it to be mine? Why can't I just take pleasure in the thing itself without needing it to be mine?
I think part of the answer may lay in the individualistic mindset our society has. We are taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the individual more than what benefits the group. If I grew up being taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the group more often, I think it would be easier for me to take pleasure in others' talents, beauty, gifts, and virtues--because I would be able to see how they benefit all of us, and be happy for that. On the other hand, in an individualistic mindset, when I see someone else's gifts, I think, "That thing isn't benefiting me personally, and so I want it so it can."
Recently I have been trying to take pleasure in others' talents, gifts, beautiful things, and virtues without desiring them for myself. When I see a beautiful article of clothing, instead of wishing it were mine, I try to take pleasure in the beauty of it and let it end there. When I see someone succeed, I try to take pleasure in their success and let it end there. When I see someone display a talent, I try to appreciate that talent and let it end there. I try to see and value how "all things bright and beautiful" benefit us all rather than wishing they would personally benefit me more.
And it's funny, because with this mindset, I am liberated to develop and enrich my own talents, virtues, gifts, and beauty without being burdened with the desire for others'. In addition, I am able to take more pleasure in life without the demoralizing effects of envy or ingratitude. Perhaps self-fulfillment is actually best achieved through a collectivistic mindset! Perhaps I am most enabled to achieve self-actualization when I am motivated to reach it for the benefit of others! It seems to me that, as counterintuitive as it may sound, individualism is not actually beneficial to the individual at all.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Discovery
Isn't this so true?! I hope I can see my landscapes with new eyes today, and be more grateful and happy because of it.Monday, February 05, 2007
Tennis Mentality
Last week one of my good friends from Michigan called and asked me if I could give him some pointers for his upcoming intramurals tennis match. I agreed, and he said he would schedule an indoor court on Monday morning for us to play. Last night I called him to ask him what time we were going to play, and he told me we were going to have to cancel because all the courts were booked.
I felt bad I couldn't help him, but I decided to give him what advice I could over the phone. I said, "The one thing I would reccomend is to not get down on yourself when you make mistakes. Everyone plays worse when they get frustrated with themselves, so try really hard not to get frustrated with yourself. When you make mistakes, just let them go and don't get mad at yourself. If you just try to have fun with it, you'll probably play a lot better."
After I hung up the phone, I realized how great that advice really is! Not only in tennis, but in every aspect of life. And I also realized I really needed to take my own advice! In tennis I am usually pretty good at staying positive, but sometimes in regular life I can get down on myself. And just like in tennis, I don't do as well when I get frustrated with myself like this. I need to remember to have patience with myself, forgive myself, and not make a big deal about how I'm not perfect (or even very good at all) at some things. If I just keep trying, and believe in myself, and keep a positive mental attitude, I will do much better than if I let myself think negative thoughts about myself.
One of my favorite tennis shirts is a shirt that says on the back, "Tennis is 95% mental, and 5% physical." While I don't completely agree with that statement, I like its message. And I think it fits even better with the rest of life--so much of life is just the attitude we have!!
I felt bad I couldn't help him, but I decided to give him what advice I could over the phone. I said, "The one thing I would reccomend is to not get down on yourself when you make mistakes. Everyone plays worse when they get frustrated with themselves, so try really hard not to get frustrated with yourself. When you make mistakes, just let them go and don't get mad at yourself. If you just try to have fun with it, you'll probably play a lot better."
After I hung up the phone, I realized how great that advice really is! Not only in tennis, but in every aspect of life. And I also realized I really needed to take my own advice! In tennis I am usually pretty good at staying positive, but sometimes in regular life I can get down on myself. And just like in tennis, I don't do as well when I get frustrated with myself like this. I need to remember to have patience with myself, forgive myself, and not make a big deal about how I'm not perfect (or even very good at all) at some things. If I just keep trying, and believe in myself, and keep a positive mental attitude, I will do much better than if I let myself think negative thoughts about myself.
One of my favorite tennis shirts is a shirt that says on the back, "Tennis is 95% mental, and 5% physical." While I don't completely agree with that statement, I like its message. And I think it fits even better with the rest of life--so much of life is just the attitude we have!!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Bad Dreams
Sometimes I go through stages where I will have bad dreams on a fairly consistent basis. Here are some of the unpleasant and strange dreams I remember having in the last ten years or so:
- Dinosaurs attacking my apartment complex
- Trying to get to the Provo temple while Provo was under seige, and trying to get there without the enemies finding me
- Helicopters dropping bombs on the BYU campus
- A gunman shooting people on the BYU campus
- American Indians attacking my neighborhood
- Being chased by bears
- Having to walk across a rickety old bridge
- Driving super fast on super hilly roads and not having control over the car
- Driving up a hill so steep the car fell backwards off the edge of the hill (The funniest part about this dream was that I remember thinking while the car was falling in mid-air, "Just relax, Abbi. People who are asleep in car accidents get hurt less than those who tense up, so just close your eyes and try to relax." Haha.)
- Family members going off to war
- Family members dying
- Being betrayed by my best friend
- Being ignored by President Hinckley
Within the last month, I have been in one of these stages. I’ve dreamt about:
- Being held hostage on a Romanian train
- Being attacked by a really well-dressed man on a Romanian street and defending myself with a knife I had in my hand
- Swimming in a Romanian pool full of poop and worrying that it wasn’t sanitary
- Having to testify in court for a friend who had been accused of a grave crime
- Flying in an unsafe contraption over northern Germany
- Breaking up with Chad and wondering why I had let that happen
- Finding out my dad was dying
- Getting really angry at some good friends for no good reason
A lot of these dreams really sound comical written out in black and white, huh?! But on a more serious note, I’ve been tired easier and more often than usual lately, and I’m wondering if it’s because my sleep isn’t restful because of my dreams. Has anyone else experienced crazy dreams like this? Or do you think I should seek psychological help? :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)