Old Friends

One of my favorite parts of the wedding planning has been reconnecting with old friends. After making the list of who I wanted to send wedding invitations to, I've emailed dozens of people to see how they're doing and to ask for their addresses. I'm so glad I've had an excuse to email old friends and teachers, because it's been so great to hear back from them. It's been exciting to hear where people are, the great things they are up to, and how they are still the same wonderful people they were the last time I talked to them. I have had such wonderful friends, and I really appreciate all the kindness they are giving me now in being excited for my upcoming wedding. Thank goodness for good friends!

Two Months Away

Chad and I are getting married two months from today! Last week I had a few hard days, thinking that two months was way too long to wait and that I didn't want to be in Provo anymore, I just wanted to be with Chad. Instead of being excited for the wedding, I was dreading the two months before the wedding. I also was feeling some anxiety towards going through the temple, which was especially hard because I have always been so excited to go to the temple and I wasn't sure why I was starting to feel those feelings. I think the reason why is because I was focusing on all the comments I was receiving that it's going to be strange and overwhelming and that I will not ever be really prepared for it. Instead of thinking about why I'm going to the temple, I was focusing on the unknown "what"s of the temple, and that was making me feel stupid and anxious.

But I got to visit Chad yesterday (thanks for the ride, Mary!), and after talking with him I've decided that both of those bad attitudes have got to go! I am now going to be excited for the next two months! They will be great. I get to take two really fun classes at BYU, continue to plan the fun stuff of the wedding, enjoy my last two months as a BYU coed (any great ideas of what I should change my blog name to after I'm not a BYU coed anymore?), take a temple prep class, and make the most of living in this beautiful valley in the shadow of Y Mount and Mt. Timpanogos. Life is good! I also am going to continue to prepare to enter the temple, but not with an attitude of uneasiness, but with an attitude of excitement that I get to go to the temple as a guest of the Lord, to learn more about His ways, to worship Him more fully, and to make sacred covenants with Him. I expect I won't understand most of what's going on the first time I go through the temple, but that's okay! I've got lots of time for that! For now I will just try to enjoy what I do have.

3 Down, 3 to Go

I have three classes done for winter semester! Woohoo!! I turned in a big research paper for one of my classes yesterday and I took two MFHD finals, one yesterday and one today. That feels good. I also am done with my dance class, because I am using my Medals Exam score for my final score. I am so happy my Medals Exams went so well, because it was the last time I danced at BYU. I got the best scores I have ever gotten! The judge must have loved my dancing, because I was told I even got the highest score in my class! Which was totally unexpected! I am so happy, because I love dance so much and it feels good to receive positive feedback from a professional. My teacher hasn't given me quite as high of scores, which makes me think grading in dance is kind of biased. But I am glad the judge who scored my last Medals Exams was biased on my side! :) I am done with dance at BYU now, which makes me kind of sad, because I love ballroom dancing so much. But I look forward to the day when Chad and I can take dance lessons together! :)

"Eat Your Vegetables"

I am a believer in vegetables. But I don't always act on that belief. It's so much easier to go about my day without eating vegetables. Preparing and eating vegetables takes effort, and I've found that if I don't prioritize vegetables into my day, I just don't eat them. It's the same with exercise. I'm a believer, but I don't always prioritize that belief. But I think that when I have an attitude of, "Vegetables are so yummy and make me feel good! I love vegetables!" it's easier for me to implement them into my diet. And it's the same with exercise. If I have an attitude of, "I love exercise! It makes me feel so happy!" it's a lot easier to get my rear in gear. And there are really so many options for vegetables and exercise, it shouldn't be that hard! So, I'm going to list some vegetables and exercise that make me happy, and hopefully I'll act on them more!


Vegetables
Cooked spinach
Spinach salad
Green beans
Carrots
Peas
Edemame (thanks, Jess, for this recommendation! They are so yummy!)
Mixed veggies
Asparagus
Romaine lettuce salad
Broccoli
Bell peppers
Celery


Exercise
Running
Playing Tennis
Dancing
Walking
Hiking

Happy Birthday Dad!!

Today is my dad's birthday! I am so happy that we get to celebrate my dad today. I want to tell everyone some of the reasons why I think I have the best dad in the whole world:

He is one of the most unassuming, humble, kind, and friendly people I know.

He is a really hard worker and never complains.

He is a thinker. He reads a lot and likes to learn from other people's experiences.

He is very committed to the gospel and always follows through with his calling and family responsibilities. He lives his testimony and does not compromise his beliefs.

He is courageous and bold. He knows who he is and he is not afraid to be who he is.

He leads through love, not through fear. He sees the value and worth in the people he leads.

He is so funny! He is good at seeing the humor in things and always makes me laugh.
He does really thoughtful things like rubs your shoulders or puts a blanket on you when you're laying down on the couch.

He is true and honest. His compliments mean a lot.

He is very giving, but does not give ostentatiously or with the intent to be recognized for what he is doing.

He gives great advice! He is super good at helping people think through their options and make wise decisions.

Thanks Dad for being so wonderful! I hope this day is a fantastic one for you!

P.S. The picture's of my dad and me in Florence.

Happy Words

I love words! Words are powerful. Here are some of my favorite happy words:

Smile
Dance
Hug

Hope
Dream
Imagine

Forgive
Encourage
Celebrate

Faith
Patience
Gratitude

Family
Friends
Flowers

Love
Sing
Laugh

Monday Musings

It's such a beautiful warm day today. All these wonderful memories of last spring/summer terms have been coming back to me today and I am so happy it's spring time again. I love BYU so much. It is such a beautiful campus and I have so many happy memories here. I have had so many good times with different classmates, teachers, friends, roommates, and ward members. Even as I remember the less happy memories of the disappointments, discouragements, and depressed days I have had here, I just love this place all the more for what I've learned from those times. On days like today it is so easy to rewrite history as better and happier than it really was, and to think all the hard times were so worth it! But I know the happiness I feel today is real, and I am so grateful for it.

I applied for graduation today and so it's official! I think that's another reason I feel so positively towards BYU today. I've been reflecting on the last four years here, and I just feel so much joy for everything I've experienced here. The religion classes, MFHD classes, dance classes, English classes, TA and research positions, ward activities, and all the other blood, sweat, tears, laughter, and triumph that go along with those things have been so enriching. I am going to miss BYU a lot when I leave it in June! But I'm going on to even happier places, so I don't need to be sad.

Speaking of happier places, the wedding plans are coming along nicely! I bought a dress, so that's a wonderful feeling! We found a bridesmaid outfit, so that's a wonderful feeling! I just have to say I remember not quite understanding what the term "social resources" meant the first time I heard it. Well, now I can say I TOTALLY know what it means! Chad and I have the best social resources in planning this wedding. It has been so much easier with all my mom's help. Thank you, Mom, for everything you do! You're the best! Thank you to everyone else who has offered help as well. I owe you all big time.

I'm getting married!

And this is who I'm getting married to! Isn't he cute?!

This is us on one of our easier hikes the day we got engaged.

This is the view from another easy hike we did that day. The view is amazing!

And here's the view from the top of Angel's Landing. I took this shortly after Chad proposed. This view is absolutely breathtaking.

This is the view I was looking out on when Chad said my name and I turned around to see him on his knee!

It was really really windy up there!

This is the last part of the hike--we were on the far side of the peak when he proposed. I'm so brave!

The last week and a half has been packed with wedding plans. We already have the temple booked, the places for the reception and luncheon booked, a photographer hired, a date set to take our engagement pictures, our registry list completed at two different stores, and I've made some good progress in wedding dress shopping. And Chad's address list for invitations is almost complete! We've met with someone about food, cake, flowers, and decorations at the reception place. And we are making a lot of progress when it comes to bridesmaids dresses. Not to mention I already have my ring! :)

In the midst of all this planning, I have felt tempted to stress over the little things. Over how things will look, how things will turn out, all there is to be done! I have to continually remind myself that these things are not what is important, and that Heavenly Father will help everything important fall into place. Because some things will inevitably go wrong during the wedding celebrations, but if we stay close to the Lord, nothing eternally significant will go wrong.

Tonight I especially felt the need to stop and ponder about why I'm doing all this. Why all the fuss over this wedding? What is the purpose behind all of it--the flowers, the dresses, the cake? As I did, my thoughts turned to marriage, and the transcendent beauty of it. All this planning is to celebrate the coming together of two individuals, the coming together of two families, the creation of a new family. It is not a show. It is simply a celebration. And stress really spoils the purpose of celebration, so I'm going to try really hard to not stress! I'm going to try to enjoy it and carry the spirit of excitement and delight inherent in such a happy time.

As I was thinking about marriage, and about how excited I am to be married to Chad, I decided to jot my feelings out into a poem, and I thought I'd share it with you.

Into Forever

I’m marrying a lifetime of new music
Music that I can dance to, worship with, and listen to in the backdrop of my dreams.
And there will also be forlorn music, music that I will cry to, but grow by as well.
Glorious music I’ve never heard before.

I’m marrying a lifetime of security.
Security in a beautiful home with a trustworthy husband.
And we’ll grow a garden in the backyard and make bread in the kitchen.
And at the end of the day, we’ll have someone to come home to who cares.

I’m marrying a lifetime of risk.
Untold adventures to places I’ve never been before.
Like the Grand Canyon, South America, maybe even Asia!
And someday…parenthood.

I’m marrying a lifetime of lessons.
Lessons on who I am, and who God intends me to be.
I’ll learn more about how the world works, and what the human experience is about.
And hopefully I will learn well the lessons on how I can enrich both.

I’m marrying a boundless family.
A family that is eternal in size and time and scope.
A family that stretches out in all directions
And influences the destiny of the universe.

I’m marrying a man.
But not just the man I see today, but the man he will be in the eternities.
He will be my friend, my lover, my partner, my confidant, my to-have-and-to-hold
Into forever.

I share this with you as a declaration of the purpose behind all these wedding plans. Hopefully by sharing this I will be more empowered to live it! Wish me luck!

I am so happy!!

I have had the best weekend, even better than last weekend! I am so blessed! On Thursday Chad and I drove down to his parents' house and we had a great evening with his family there. And then on Friday morning we got up early and drove to Zion National Park and hiked Angel's Landing so we could get to the top before sunrise. At the top Chad surprised me and proposed!! And of course I said yes! It was so incredibly beautiful and perfect. I couldn't be happier. The rest of the day we hiked other smaller hikes together and I am so in love. Later that night his siblings Jon and Caytee joined us and we had a great evening together and then camped there overnight. The next day we hiked the Emerald Pools. Zions is so, so beautiful! And then we went to St. George and played tennis together and then had dinner with his parents and grandma. And this morning we had a lovely dinner with his parents (they are so, so good to us!!) and then drove out and visited with the Payson clan (who have hosted our dating--big thanks to you!) before having a nice dinner with my mom and grandparents and cousin. Wow! I am so excited to marry Chad, and I am so excited to be a part of Chad's family and for Chad to be a part of my family. Here are some pictures from our weekend:

We started our hike super early while it was still dark, and so luckily Chad had a head lamp and bought me one too.

Angel's Landing--it's super scary for people who are afraid of heights such as I!

After Chad proposed we watched the sun rise. We are so happy!!

I'll post more pictures of the weekend later!

P.S. Kim, could you invite me to view your blog? I would love to read it!

Listen to This!!

I am so excited to share with you something I think is VERY important! When Elder Bednar was visiting my stake conference this weekend, he told us a story from when he was the president of Ricks, turning into BYU-I. It was a Friday, and the next Tuesday Elder Maxwell was going to be the speaker at their devotional and tell them how to make BYU-I what it should be. That Friday night there was a leadership conference, and Elder (President) Bednar asked all the leaders (about 200 of them if I can remember right) to please wear their Sunday best to the devotional to show they were prepared to hear what Elder Maxwell had to say to them. He also asked them to tell four people, who should all tell three people, who should all tell two people, who should all tell one person, to do the same. Well, it worked! That Tuesday, about 80% of the devotional attendees were in their Sunday best and the meeting was really strong at the devotional. Elder Maxwell asked Elder (President) Bednar, “What is going on?” and Elder Bednar said they were prepared to hear what he was going to say to them.

Well, then he told us that just as he asked those leaders at BYU-I to do something and share the news, he was going to ask us to do something and share the news. He told us that if we did what he told us to do, we could make a big difference just as the university leaders had. And this is what he asked us to do: He asked us to please stop praying for the missionaries to find people to teach. He said that it is not the missionaries’ job to find people to teach—it is the members’ job to find people to teach! It is the missionaries’ job to teach the people the members invite into their homes. He said the members need to stop praying that the missionaries will do their job! And he said the members should instead pray for the courage and strength to open their mouths and share the gospel and invite people into their homes to be taught by the missionaries, and for the missionaries to have the Spirit as they teach.

He said that in the late 90’s, President Hinckley asked the membership to please double the number of people baptized in their stakes and wards. Well, it hasn’t even come close to happening yet, and that was nearly 10 years ago. He said in order for us to answer President Hinckley’s call, each ward needs to nearly triple the number of people who are taught in members’ homes each month.

H said that a common question he gets as he travels around the world is, “When are the missionaries going to be able to get into China [or India]?” He said we only have 53,000 missionaries, and there is no way we are ready to go into China with only that meager amount of missionaries. There are billions of people in China and India, and we are not prepared!! We do not have enough missionaries yet!

Now, I normally do not like the emphasis on numbers in missionary work, and so I hope you don’t think this blog is all about getting people baptized. But I love Indian and Chinese people so much, and the only way the Church will be able to enter their countries and teach them the marvelous gospel of Jesus Christ is if we have WAY more missionaries than we have now. And the only way that is going to happen is if the members start being missionaries!

Now, the cool part about this request is that Elder Bednar said that if we spread this message, the personal influence all of us would have in sharing it could possibly change the course of missionary work! Isn’t that exciting?! So if you could please send this simple message on to your families and wards and stakes, I would greatly appreciate it! We can change the course of missionary work!

Don’t pray for the missionaries to find people to teach who are ready to learn the gospel! Pray for the MEMBERS to find people who are ready to learn the gospel for the missionaries to teach!

Wonderful Weekend

I had the best weekend last weekend!! It has been filled with my favorite things!

On Friday and Saturday I got to spend time with my old roommates Lorette and Teri and Jen. On Saturday I got to visit Shana and her family and my grandparents. And on Saturday and Monday I got to spend time with Chad! I love those people!

My stake conference was this weekend, and Elder Bednar was there. I was able to listen to Elder Bednar, an apostle of God, speak for almost two hours! One hour on Saturday and one hour on Sunday. He is an amazing speaker!! I am going to do another blog about something he said that I am SO excited about! He is such a tender, powerful, funny, wise person! I’ll confess I used to be a little afraid of him, but not anymore! I love Elder Bednar!

On Friday I was able to attend a meeting to increase awareness and motivation to help alleviate the problem of world poverty and hunger. I love international development and want to help children!

And last but not least, I danced in three rounds of fox trot and three rounds of tango in DanceSport! And I was able to watch two nights of AMAZING ballroom dance on Friday and Saturday night! It moves me! It is just so beautiful and expressive. One couple’s smooth waltz honestly brought me to tears, it conveyed so beautifully the love and magic that can be in a relationship. The pictures at the bottom of this post are pictures the photographer took of my partner and me during the competition. All of the fox trot pictures looked pretty much the same, so I only got one of them, but I liked three of the tango pictures, so I got those. I look pretty intense in the tango pictures, but that’s okay because the tango is an intense dance! I love ballroom dance!

Hasn’t it been a wonderful weekend?!

Fox Trot

This is what my partner and I pretty much looked like yesterday in our DanceSport fox trot competition. Just kidding. But we did make it to the semifinal round! This was a big surprise and happy thing, because we are only in the 284 class and the fox trot was the 382 competition! I didn't even expect to get called back once. There were probably between 30 and 40 couples in the competition and we made it in the top 13! The final round had 6 couples in it, and so I told Chad that I think my partner and I were probably #7. :) Yay for us! I will let you know how our tango competition goes on Saturday!

No More Suave

Last time I bought conditioner I bought Suave because it was super cheap and it smelt good. After two months of using it, I've realized it wasn't worth it. I have more split ends now than I can ever remember having. Even though I just got a hair cut, I can still find split ends in my hair. For the last couple days I keep wanting to look through my hair and find them and cut them off. Hopefully after a few weeks of using a better conditioner and cutting off my split ends, my hair will be back to its normal healthy self!

Nicknames

I think nicknames are some of the most endearing things. They make you feel so special! Here are some nicknames I've been given in the past:

Absi-doodle (Mom calls me this)
Absi-doodle-stroodle-bug (Mom calls me this)
Abbi-a-gail (Mom calls me this)
Bug (What Jessi used to call me when I was little)
Abber-Cadabber (My family used to call me this when I was little)
Greta (One of Amber's nicknames for me, because I was Greta Garbo in a play in junior high)Chucka Rou (One of Amber's nicknames for me--long story)
Glowy (One of Amber's nicknames for me--long story)
Abbi-gator (Friends in Michigan called me this, because I was the "navigator" whenever we went anywhere)
Absters (From my email address)
Abbi-Normal (From "Young Frankenstein")

What are yours??

I LOVE

-How white the world is after it snows
-That I get to look forward to talking to Chad on the phone or seeing Chad in person
-The feeling of just turning in a test or a paper
-Being winked at
-Saying hi to old friends on campus
-Getting enough sleep
-Ballroom dancing
-Singles wards' sacrament meetings
-Learning about art and music
-Living in a world with indoor plumbing
-Receiving compliments
-Giving compliments
-Getting massages
-Living close enough to my work (i.e., school) that I can walk there
-Greg Olsen's "In His Consant Care" painting
-Reading really good novels (something I also miss!)
-Laughing at Adam's jokes
-My roommates this semester
-BYU (something I will miss after I graduate this August!)
-Payson (where I get to go this weekend! yay!)
-Little kids and the cute things they say
-The brown coat my parents gave me
-The blue coat Chad gave me

Valentine's Surprise

This is what I came home to on Valentine's Day! Two dozen long-stemmed roses leaning up against my front door! They are so, so beautiful, and the picture just does not capture how beautiful they are. Every time I look at them I think they are more beautiful and I want to take another picture of them. :) Thanks Chad!!

"Mine!"

I have recently been thinking a lot about how individualistic our society is. We focus on the good of the individual far more than the good of the group, whether that be a family, ward, community, etc. Our vocabulary is packed with words that have to do with the individual, such as self-fulfillment, self-expression, self-esteem, self-actualization. We value indepedence more than interdependence, autonomy more than connection, competition more than collaboration. We put way more emphasis on individual happiness than group harmony.

In one of my classes we talked a lot about how individualism has affected how we see marriage. Marriage today is seen as a means for self-fulfillment rather than as a means to create a family. And people say, if your marriage isn't helping you achieve the self-actualization you wished it would, why then, get a divorce! There is much less concern about how a divorce would potentially affect your parents, your neighborhood, your spouse, your children. Everything is couched in terms of the individual, not the relationship or group. We are taught to think first and foremost about ourselves and our own self-fulfillment.

I have noticed that this individualism has affected me and my thought processes. One way I noticed it has affected me is that I want everything to be mine. If I see someone else dance well, I think, "I wish I could dance like that." If I see someone who is dressed really nicely, I think, "I wish I had those clothes." If I see someone who has really pretty hair, skin, smile, etc., I think, "I wish I had hair, skin, smile, etc. like that." When I hear that someone ran twenty miles this week, I wish I could be that in shape. If I see any talent, virtue, or gift in another person, I want that talent, virtue, or gift to be mine.

Now, I can see how desiring the gifts that others have could potentially motivate me to develop excellence in myself, but I can also see how it could come awful close to the sins of jealousy, ungratefulness, and coveting. Since when do I have to own something in order to take pleasure in it? What is it about ownership that is so enticing? When I see something pleasing or beautiful, why do I want it to be mine? Why can't I just take pleasure in the thing itself without needing it to be mine?

I think part of the answer may lay in the individualistic mindset our society has. We are taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the individual more than what benefits the group. If I grew up being taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the group more often, I think it would be easier for me to take pleasure in others' talents, beauty, gifts, and virtues--because I would be able to see how they benefit all of us, and be happy for that. On the other hand, in an individualistic mindset, when I see someone else's gifts, I think, "That thing isn't benefiting me personally, and so I want it so it can."

Recently I have been trying to take pleasure in others' talents, gifts, beautiful things, and virtues without desiring them for myself. When I see a beautiful article of clothing, instead of wishing it were mine, I try to take pleasure in the beauty of it and let it end there. When I see someone succeed, I try to take pleasure in their success and let it end there. When I see someone display a talent, I try to appreciate that talent and let it end there. I try to see and value how "all things bright and beautiful" benefit us all rather than wishing they would personally benefit me more.

And it's funny, because with this mindset, I am liberated to develop and enrich my own talents, virtues, gifts, and beauty without being burdened with the desire for others'. In addition, I am able to take more pleasure in life without the demoralizing effects of envy or ingratitude. Perhaps self-fulfillment is actually best achieved through a collectivistic mindset! Perhaps I am most enabled to achieve self-actualization when I am motivated to reach it for the benefit of others! It seems to me that, as counterintuitive as it may sound, individualism is not actually beneficial to the individual at all.

Discovery

Isn't this so true?! I hope I can see my landscapes with new eyes today, and be more grateful and happy because of it.

Tennis Mentality

Last week one of my good friends from Michigan called and asked me if I could give him some pointers for his upcoming intramurals tennis match. I agreed, and he said he would schedule an indoor court on Monday morning for us to play. Last night I called him to ask him what time we were going to play, and he told me we were going to have to cancel because all the courts were booked.

I felt bad I couldn't help him, but I decided to give him what advice I could over the phone. I said, "The one thing I would reccomend is to not get down on yourself when you make mistakes. Everyone plays worse when they get frustrated with themselves, so try really hard not to get frustrated with yourself. When you make mistakes, just let them go and don't get mad at yourself. If you just try to have fun with it, you'll probably play a lot better."

After I hung up the phone, I realized how great that advice really is! Not only in tennis, but in every aspect of life. And I also realized I really needed to take my own advice! In tennis I am usually pretty good at staying positive, but sometimes in regular life I can get down on myself. And just like in tennis, I don't do as well when I get frustrated with myself like this. I need to remember to have patience with myself, forgive myself, and not make a big deal about how I'm not perfect (or even very good at all) at some things. If I just keep trying, and believe in myself, and keep a positive mental attitude, I will do much better than if I let myself think negative thoughts about myself.

One of my favorite tennis shirts is a shirt that says on the back, "Tennis is 95% mental, and 5% physical." While I don't completely agree with that statement, I like its message. And I think it fits even better with the rest of life--so much of life is just the attitude we have!!

Bad Dreams

Sometimes I go through stages where I will have bad dreams on a fairly consistent basis. Here are some of the unpleasant and strange dreams I remember having in the last ten years or so:

• Dinosaurs attacking my apartment complex
• Trying to get to the Provo temple while Provo was under seige, and trying to get there without the enemies finding me
• Helicopters dropping bombs on the BYU campus
• A gunman shooting people on the BYU campus
• American Indians attacking my neighborhood
• Being chased by bears
• Having to walk across a rickety old bridge
• Driving super fast on super hilly roads and not having control over the car
• Driving up a hill so steep the car fell backwards off the edge of the hill (The funniest part about this dream was that I remember thinking while the car was falling in mid-air, "Just relax, Abbi. People who are asleep in car accidents get hurt less than those who tense up, so just close your eyes and try to relax." Haha.)
• Family members going off to war
• Family members dying
• Being betrayed by my best friend
• Being ignored by President Hinckley

Within the last month, I have been in one of these stages. I’ve dreamt about:

• Being held hostage on a Romanian train
• Being attacked by a really well-dressed man on a Romanian street and defending myself with a knife I had in my hand
• Swimming in a Romanian pool full of poop and worrying that it wasn’t sanitary
• Having to testify in court for a friend who had been accused of a grave crime
• Flying in an unsafe contraption over northern Germany
• Breaking up with Chad and wondering why I had let that happen
• Finding out my dad was dying
• Getting really angry at some good friends for no good reason

A lot of these dreams really sound comical written out in black and white, huh?! But on a more serious note, I’ve been tired easier and more often than usual lately, and I’m wondering if it’s because my sleep isn’t restful because of my dreams. Has anyone else experienced crazy dreams like this? Or do you think I should seek psychological help? :)