Decisions, decisions

On a Friday in mid November, I went to a Relief Society activity at the Vila. At one point in the activity, we sat in a circle and each sister said a few things about themselves. I thought it was a simple enough request, and I didn’t think much about what I was going to say before my turn came. Instead, I just listened to what every one else had to say, and figured I could come up with a few interesting things to say about myself on the spot.

But when my turn came, my mind was blank of unique things to say. Only three things came to my mind—I loved working with the kids at the orphanage and the hospital, Chad C*, and the Book of Mormon. And none of them seemed quite appropriate for the setting to share. And so after sputtering awkwardly for a couple moments, I said that I liked to read, bake, and spend time with my family—three things that a lot of the other women had said they liked to do. While it’s true that I do love these things, I didn’t feel like they captured who I was at the moment. I hadn’t done a whole lot of reading, baking, or spending time with my family for a long time.

As I walked home that night, I thought more about things I could have said when it was my turn to share. As I thought more about it, I remembered that I liked to play tennis, and ballroom dance, and go hiking. It was almost as if I had momentarily forgotten these things about myself!My life was so simple in Romania.

Now I’m back home, and I realize I have to start thinking about myself more often. For instance, my wardrobe is getting a little old and worn out, and so my sisters and I went to the mall yesterday to revamp it. And I was forced to think about what my tastes are in clothes and accessories. As I tried on one article of clothing after another, the idea of just throwing on a pair of scrubs and taking a walk to the hospital sounded quite appealing. In Romania, I didn’t have to worry about all these complicated issues of whether these pants fit me right, or whether I like this shirt with that sweater, or if these pants match that blouse. I just wore scrubs every day!

But wearing scrubs all day every day for the rest of my life isn’t really an option, and neither is revolving my life solely around a few orphans, a long-distance boyfriend, and the Book of Mormon. I’m going to have to start thinking more about what I like, what I want, and how I want to spend my time and resources. Decisions, decisions!!

But here are a few things that I don't have to decide, because I already know them about myself:
I am a sucker for Cinderella stories. The movies Rudy, Seabiscuit, and Cinderella Man make me want to shout for joy.
I am a morning person. I feel better all day when I go to bed early and wake up early.
I sing with gusto whenever I sing in a church setting, because I love the concept of praising God through song. However, I am not too confident in my ability to sing solos for the pleasure of others’ ears.
I don’t know much about the principles of art, music, dance, movie-making, or theater, but I am absolutely delighted by them. I love imaginative stories, passionate music, and vibrant pictures in movies. I am moved by beautiful dancing. I love how walking through art museums uplifts my soul and widens my perspective of my own life. I love how going to the Symphony clears the palate of my mind.
I can eat a lot. In Romania, whenever we would visit someone and they would feed us tons of food, I would always still be going strong when others were reaching their limit of fullness. I also am able to enjoy a lot of foods others find unpleasant.
I love the Testing Center at BYU. I think it’s exciting to think about all the knowledge that is gone over and demonstrated in that building. In fact, I like the whole college atmosphere of learning and discovery and accomplishment.
I am naturally afraid of heights, but I’m trying to overcome that fear. I’ve never been afraid of flying in an airplane, though.
I love the smell of coffee and the taste of grapes, and I think if I weren't LDS I would love drinking coffee and wine. This is what the grapes looked like that I would always get from the piata in Romania--yumm!! I already miss them. They were so delicious.

Ionut

Yesterday we found out Ionut passed away. He passed away on Tuesday night, just one week after Iulia did. I loved this kid so much. He is my angel. I know I was there to comfort him, but I'm sure he comforted me more than I did him. I can't say how many times he was a source of spiritual strength and inspiration to me. I will miss him so much, but I will never forget him. He has changed my heart.

Nearly two months ago we had a false alarm and thought Ionut had died. I broke down, because I was not ready to let him go. I felt like I still needed him. Holly played this song as she tried to sort out her feelings, and I just sobbed as I listened to it. I will always think of him whenever I hear this song now. I love you, Ionut.















Tears in Heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Choosing rather than reacting

It’s best not to react to others’ behavior, but to choose for yourself how you will treat others, regardless of how they treat you. Even if others aren’t a friend to me, I can choose to be a friend to them. Even if others aren’t kind to me, I can choose to be kind to them. Even if others irritate me, I can choose to treat them with respect and concern and love. I can choose how I will feel and act—my feelings and behavior don’t have to be dependent on others’ feelings and behavior.

Emotional Orphans

At the orphanage, we get beat up a lot. For various reasons, we get stepped on, smacked, head-butted, punched, poked with sharp objects, kicked, and scratched. Our hair gets pulled daily. Being peed on or wiped with snot or spit is not a startling occurrence. But it usually doesn’t bother me, because they really don’t know better. I mean, come on, they’re orphans! No one is there to teach them any better. And often, it is just an accident, and they don’t mean to hurt me.
Well, it occurred to me that that’s the best way to respond when others hurt you. Because we are all emotional orphans in some aspects. No parent is perfect—no parent can teach their children everything. So when others hurt you, it’s best to just give them the benefit of the doubt that no one was there to teach them any better, that they really didn’t mean to hurt you, or that they just couldn’t help themselves. It’s best to just choose to be the bigger person and not get offended. Like Nephi did, it’s best to just “frankly forgive them” (1 Nephi 7:21).

On Wants and Needs

If you want something, ask for it! It’s your responsibility—not anyone else’s—to make sure your wants and needs are being met. It’s best to not victimize yourself when your wants or needs aren’t being met, but rather do what you can to get them met. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, become bitter or angry, or pout when you want someone to meet a need and they aren’t meeting it. They probably don’t even know you have that need, let alone that it is unmet or that you want them to meet it! So ask! And then do what you can to help them meet it. It works better that way.

Lesson #2--Golden Rule with a twist

What others want and need is not necessarily what I want or need. Treating others how I would want to be treated in a certain situation is not always the best. Rather, it would be better for me to be perceptive and sensitive to how they would want to be treated in that situation, and treat them accordingly.

A Time of Learning

Before I came here to Romania, I received a blessing from Adam, and one of the things that stood out to me in the blessing was that this will be a time of learning. That is definitely right! I am learning so much here! I’ve written down five of the things I am learning that have to do with interpersonal relationships, and I am going to try to add one a day for the next five days in my blog. Here’s today’s:

When you are focused on and mindful of the service you are giving to other people, it’s easy to get into the mindset that you deserve something from the people you’re serving. Whether that be a display of appreciation, expression of love, or reciprocation of some kind of service from them. But it’s best to try to not get into that mindset, but rather maintain an attitude that you don’t deserve anything for the good things you do. I’ve found a way to do this is to consider your service as serving God rather than whoever your service is aimed to benefit. Because a) when you serve others, you’re serving God!, and b) none of us deserve anything from God! We will forever be in debt to Him.
For example, when you do your roommates’ dishes, rather than thinking, “I’m such a good person, I’m doing their dishes. I hope they notice and are grateful for all this work I’m doing for them,” it’s better to think, “I’m so excited I get to serve God, because He is so eternally good and merciful to me, and I’m grateful I get to show my appreciation for everything He gives me.” This is hard to do, but I think it’s worth trying.

Beautiful, beautiful Budapest!!

One of the funnest things we did was visit Margaret's Island, an island in the Danube River that divides Budapest (what used to be two separate cities--Buda and Pest). There we rented these bike things and rode around the island. It was so incredibly beautiful with all the bright yellow leaves and the dark tree trunks. But none of my pictures really captured the beauty of it, sorry!














This is the view from the bridge that led us to Margaret Island. The left side is the Pest side of the city, and the right side is the Buda side of the city. We kept running into missionaries everywhere we went in Budapest (10 total over about four days), and the bridge I was standing on in this picture was one of those places. A couple minutes after we ran into the missionaries, a young man named Janos (Yanosh) joined those missionaries. While the rest of the girls in my group talked to the missionaries, I got to talk to Janos. We talked for probably around a half hour. Janos just recently turned nineteen and was baptized last August. He also recently baptized his little sister, and his little brother is taking the discussions! He was really fun to talk to. It was so cool to stand on this bridge, talking to this really great native Hungarian and recent convert, and look out to this view!















A close up of the Buda side of the city.















Parliament, on the Pest side of the city.















Jenna, Jessica, Bri, Abbi, Megan.















In this picture I am standing on the hill that leads up to Buda Castle. Sorry, I didn't take a picture of Buda Castle. It was the building the National Gallery was in. Can I just say that I love going to art museums?!















Shannon loving Budapest. We all loved Budapest so much. (This is a cool picture, huh!)















Me and Marina missing our boyfriends.




















A pretty church on Castle Hill on the Buda side. (It's the church you can see sticking up in the horizon in the third picture of this blog.)





















Part of Fisherman's Bastion, a cool-looking structure on Castle Hill that made me think of Minas Tirith (like a lot of old, castle-like things do :) ).

Also, I didn't take a picture of the State Opera House where Shannon and I went to a performance of Verdi's Requiem. The inside of the building was one of the most beautiful buildings I've been in, with its gold walls and red curtains and carpet. And the concert was one of the most breath-taking and moving and inspiring musical productions I have ever heard. It was honestly amazing. The height of operatic and choral music. I feel so blessed to have been able to experience it. Really, I feel so blessed to experience all that I did in Budapest. I would definitely like to visit it again!

Two Ward Pictures

From a Ward Picnic on September 30















My Sunday School Class!
Elder Child (sadly, he was transferred last week :( ), Stefana, me, Radu, and Andrea
Stefana is investigating the church, and Radu and Andrea are siblings.

Monastery Trip (about a month ago)

All ten of us girls! Bri, Abbi, Holly, Melissa, Megan, Jessica, Marina, Shannon, Jenna, and Sheri














Marina, Shannon, me, Jessica, and Megan

Last Sunday's Excursion

Me and my friends

Ionut and me (sorry about the bad lighting)
















Holly, Bri, and me















Me, Raluca, Stefana, Jenna, and Marina in the Vila

More Random Pictures

My apartment's living room, with six of the ten girls, before one of our Sunday meetings.




















The Vila (the missionaries popped into this picture by surprise--how perfect!). The Church is on the second floor, and the other floors are used for other things.




















The Spital

Pictures of Iasi

The Scala apartment (where the other girls in the program live)















Some blocs close to the Scala apartment
















Some apartment blocs














The Palat (Cultural Palace)

Pictures! Finally!

My apartment (Podul de Fier).

Close-up of my apartment.

My kitchen with Holly and Bri.

The other side of my kitchen with Marina.

My Angels

Iulia
















Ionut (and Holly)

More Romanian Lessons

My time in Romania is teaching me how to better:
Swallow my pride.
Be inconvenienced.
Appreciate amazing appliances such as microwaves, dishwashers, clothes dryers, and toasters.
Understand what my strengths and weaknesses are.
Make do with what I have.
Wait.
Look for the good in others.
Overlook others' weaknesses and differences.
Control my thoughts.
Interact with people with disabilities.
See things in the context of God's eternal plan for His children.
Be creative in cooking meals.
Resist discouragement and feed hope.
Focus on the beauty and not the ugliness in life.
Know when in a foreign country to say "I don't understand" and when to pretend like you do.
Rely on the Savior--I can't do hard things on my own.

Making the Most

I realize I’ve been a pretty lousy blogger for the last three months. I seem to only update my blog every couple weeks or so. Here are the thoughts I’ve had in the last couple weeks:

I don’t think going abroad is the only time people should really try to “make the most” of their experiences. People can live up whatever life circumstance they are in, whether that be being a mom raising three high-maintenance boys in a tiny apartment in ghetto Houston (props to Audra!!), being a mom of four girls in the Georgian countryside (holla for Jessi!), teaching the scriptures to twenty teenagers every morning at 6:00 am (yay for Mom!), or working thirty hour shifts every four days in a hospital that isn’t infested with cockroaches and does have AC (I miss you Chad!). Life has so much to offer, if we just take Audra’s advice and pay attention to what it does have to offer. I have a testimony that Heavenly Father can help us see the beauty in our lives, wherever we are and whoever we are with.

After being in Romania for a couple weeks now, I can tell that Romania has a lot to teach me. I’ll keep a log of them in this blog, both the comical and serious ones.

Lesson #1: I wouldn’t call the Romanian mentality a perfectionist one. Sometimes the washing machine stops working, sometimes the water gets turned off, sometimes the internet goes down, but do Romanians fret over it? Nope. Because, everyone knows that “sometimes it does that.”

Lesson #2: Romanians know how to take risks. If there are driving rules here, no one seems to abide by them or enforce them. So each day on the road is an adventurous one.

Lesson #3: Gypsies really do exist, and they really do wear bright-colored dresses and their hair in long braids. And Romanians don’t like them. But I’ve enjoyed talking (if my molasses-slow understanding and speaking of Romanian could be called talking) to the gypsie moms at the hospital. They have the cutest kids!!

Lesson #4: It is amazing and exciting to see how surprised and pleased people’s faces become when I smile at them! I just love it. One of the highs of this semester thus far has been those moments when I say “Buna ziua” (pronounced Buna Ziwa) and smile at people, and I can tell I brightened their day. And to those other souls I don’t know how to reach, I can pray for them. I’m so grateful for prayer, because it has brought so much peace to my heart, during those moments when I feel powerless to help someone, to know that I can at least pray for them. I’ve been trying to remember to pray for the people I pass when I walk to and from the hospital/store/etc. And of course the beautiful babies in the hospital—those fighters who teach me so, so much about patience and enduring to the end and long-suffering. They help me see the beauty in my life. Please pray for them!

Lesson #5: You have to give up your fears of making a fool of yourself if you want to make your dreams come true. I’m still working on this one—I’ll let you know what more Romania teaches me concerning this!

Lesson #6: If I want to be happy, I should try to love and serve everyone like I love and serve the babies in the hospital.

"I Can Do Hard Things"

I love this statement! My sister Jessi taught her daughter McKenna to say this while McKenna was going through a stage of often getting frustrated by not being able to do new tasks correctly right away. This is something that I think we all could benefit from saying to ourselves periodically.

Last month Chad and I hiked Mt. Timpanogos. During about the third hour of the hike, we talked about how people can often do way more than they allow themselves to do, because they set limits on themselves and don't believe in themselves. If they would just believe in their ability to do hard things and go forward with the commitment to do them, they would surprise themselves by their ability. I think that is so true--we really can do hard things!

Tomorrow I am going to Romania. I am so excited--I have been waiting for this for months. And yet, I am still a little bit scared, especially concerning my lack of fluency in Romanian. I will have to remind myself that I can do hard things. I will have to remind myself to believe in my ability to excel in Romania. Fear won't get me anywhere, but faith will.

There is something my uncle Joe said a few years ago to his scared and crying son that has really stuck with me. He said, "This is a good time to be tough." I love that! I think that is such a good life attitude! Sometimes you just have to be tough and believe in your ability to successfully ride through a time of uncertainty and risk.

Another statement I think is a good life attitude is something my amazing roommate Teri said when talking about an unpleasant situation she was in. In conclusion to her story, she said in regards to what she was going to do about it: "So what do you do? You get over it!" I think that's fabulous advice on how to accomplish hard things. Some things are just out of our control, and we have to get over them! We shouldn't dwell on what we can't change, but rather we should dwell on our blessings and get to work on the things that we can change for the better.

I hope I can live this advice while in Romania. I hope I can remember to believe in myself. I can do hard things. This is a good time to be tough, and I can be. I can get over the things I can't change, as I work my tail off to do everything I can to improve the quality of the lives of the people I come in contact with in Romania. Romania, here I come!

Grammer Answer

Jessi and Audra, that's the same reaction I had when my English 315 teacher put those words on the board! Except for I gave up way before 15 minutes--Jessi, I am impressed with your perseverance! The answer is someone asking whether Sam or Sally was right in their use of the word "had" in a paper/grammar lesson:

Where Sam had had "had," Sally had had "had had;" had "had had" had the teacher's approval?

Crazy, huh?!