Nicknames

I think nicknames are some of the most endearing things. They make you feel so special! Here are some nicknames I've been given in the past:

Absi-doodle (Mom calls me this)
Absi-doodle-stroodle-bug (Mom calls me this)
Abbi-a-gail (Mom calls me this)
Bug (What Jessi used to call me when I was little)
Abber-Cadabber (My family used to call me this when I was little)
Greta (One of Amber's nicknames for me, because I was Greta Garbo in a play in junior high)Chucka Rou (One of Amber's nicknames for me--long story)
Glowy (One of Amber's nicknames for me--long story)
Abbi-gator (Friends in Michigan called me this, because I was the "navigator" whenever we went anywhere)
Absters (From my email address)
Abbi-Normal (From "Young Frankenstein")

What are yours??

I LOVE

-How white the world is after it snows
-That I get to look forward to talking to Chad on the phone or seeing Chad in person
-The feeling of just turning in a test or a paper
-Being winked at
-Saying hi to old friends on campus
-Getting enough sleep
-Ballroom dancing
-Singles wards' sacrament meetings
-Learning about art and music
-Living in a world with indoor plumbing
-Receiving compliments
-Giving compliments
-Getting massages
-Living close enough to my work (i.e., school) that I can walk there
-Greg Olsen's "In His Consant Care" painting
-Reading really good novels (something I also miss!)
-Laughing at Adam's jokes
-My roommates this semester
-BYU (something I will miss after I graduate this August!)
-Payson (where I get to go this weekend! yay!)
-Little kids and the cute things they say
-The brown coat my parents gave me
-The blue coat Chad gave me

Valentine's Surprise

This is what I came home to on Valentine's Day! Two dozen long-stemmed roses leaning up against my front door! They are so, so beautiful, and the picture just does not capture how beautiful they are. Every time I look at them I think they are more beautiful and I want to take another picture of them. :) Thanks Chad!!

"Mine!"

I have recently been thinking a lot about how individualistic our society is. We focus on the good of the individual far more than the good of the group, whether that be a family, ward, community, etc. Our vocabulary is packed with words that have to do with the individual, such as self-fulfillment, self-expression, self-esteem, self-actualization. We value indepedence more than interdependence, autonomy more than connection, competition more than collaboration. We put way more emphasis on individual happiness than group harmony.

In one of my classes we talked a lot about how individualism has affected how we see marriage. Marriage today is seen as a means for self-fulfillment rather than as a means to create a family. And people say, if your marriage isn't helping you achieve the self-actualization you wished it would, why then, get a divorce! There is much less concern about how a divorce would potentially affect your parents, your neighborhood, your spouse, your children. Everything is couched in terms of the individual, not the relationship or group. We are taught to think first and foremost about ourselves and our own self-fulfillment.

I have noticed that this individualism has affected me and my thought processes. One way I noticed it has affected me is that I want everything to be mine. If I see someone else dance well, I think, "I wish I could dance like that." If I see someone who is dressed really nicely, I think, "I wish I had those clothes." If I see someone who has really pretty hair, skin, smile, etc., I think, "I wish I had hair, skin, smile, etc. like that." When I hear that someone ran twenty miles this week, I wish I could be that in shape. If I see any talent, virtue, or gift in another person, I want that talent, virtue, or gift to be mine.

Now, I can see how desiring the gifts that others have could potentially motivate me to develop excellence in myself, but I can also see how it could come awful close to the sins of jealousy, ungratefulness, and coveting. Since when do I have to own something in order to take pleasure in it? What is it about ownership that is so enticing? When I see something pleasing or beautiful, why do I want it to be mine? Why can't I just take pleasure in the thing itself without needing it to be mine?

I think part of the answer may lay in the individualistic mindset our society has. We are taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the individual more than what benefits the group. If I grew up being taught to seek after and take pleasure in what benefits the group more often, I think it would be easier for me to take pleasure in others' talents, beauty, gifts, and virtues--because I would be able to see how they benefit all of us, and be happy for that. On the other hand, in an individualistic mindset, when I see someone else's gifts, I think, "That thing isn't benefiting me personally, and so I want it so it can."

Recently I have been trying to take pleasure in others' talents, gifts, beautiful things, and virtues without desiring them for myself. When I see a beautiful article of clothing, instead of wishing it were mine, I try to take pleasure in the beauty of it and let it end there. When I see someone succeed, I try to take pleasure in their success and let it end there. When I see someone display a talent, I try to appreciate that talent and let it end there. I try to see and value how "all things bright and beautiful" benefit us all rather than wishing they would personally benefit me more.

And it's funny, because with this mindset, I am liberated to develop and enrich my own talents, virtues, gifts, and beauty without being burdened with the desire for others'. In addition, I am able to take more pleasure in life without the demoralizing effects of envy or ingratitude. Perhaps self-fulfillment is actually best achieved through a collectivistic mindset! Perhaps I am most enabled to achieve self-actualization when I am motivated to reach it for the benefit of others! It seems to me that, as counterintuitive as it may sound, individualism is not actually beneficial to the individual at all.

Discovery

Isn't this so true?! I hope I can see my landscapes with new eyes today, and be more grateful and happy because of it.

Tennis Mentality

Last week one of my good friends from Michigan called and asked me if I could give him some pointers for his upcoming intramurals tennis match. I agreed, and he said he would schedule an indoor court on Monday morning for us to play. Last night I called him to ask him what time we were going to play, and he told me we were going to have to cancel because all the courts were booked.

I felt bad I couldn't help him, but I decided to give him what advice I could over the phone. I said, "The one thing I would reccomend is to not get down on yourself when you make mistakes. Everyone plays worse when they get frustrated with themselves, so try really hard not to get frustrated with yourself. When you make mistakes, just let them go and don't get mad at yourself. If you just try to have fun with it, you'll probably play a lot better."

After I hung up the phone, I realized how great that advice really is! Not only in tennis, but in every aspect of life. And I also realized I really needed to take my own advice! In tennis I am usually pretty good at staying positive, but sometimes in regular life I can get down on myself. And just like in tennis, I don't do as well when I get frustrated with myself like this. I need to remember to have patience with myself, forgive myself, and not make a big deal about how I'm not perfect (or even very good at all) at some things. If I just keep trying, and believe in myself, and keep a positive mental attitude, I will do much better than if I let myself think negative thoughts about myself.

One of my favorite tennis shirts is a shirt that says on the back, "Tennis is 95% mental, and 5% physical." While I don't completely agree with that statement, I like its message. And I think it fits even better with the rest of life--so much of life is just the attitude we have!!

Bad Dreams

Sometimes I go through stages where I will have bad dreams on a fairly consistent basis. Here are some of the unpleasant and strange dreams I remember having in the last ten years or so:

• Dinosaurs attacking my apartment complex
• Trying to get to the Provo temple while Provo was under seige, and trying to get there without the enemies finding me
• Helicopters dropping bombs on the BYU campus
• A gunman shooting people on the BYU campus
• American Indians attacking my neighborhood
• Being chased by bears
• Having to walk across a rickety old bridge
• Driving super fast on super hilly roads and not having control over the car
• Driving up a hill so steep the car fell backwards off the edge of the hill (The funniest part about this dream was that I remember thinking while the car was falling in mid-air, "Just relax, Abbi. People who are asleep in car accidents get hurt less than those who tense up, so just close your eyes and try to relax." Haha.)
• Family members going off to war
• Family members dying
• Being betrayed by my best friend
• Being ignored by President Hinckley

Within the last month, I have been in one of these stages. I’ve dreamt about:

• Being held hostage on a Romanian train
• Being attacked by a really well-dressed man on a Romanian street and defending myself with a knife I had in my hand
• Swimming in a Romanian pool full of poop and worrying that it wasn’t sanitary
• Having to testify in court for a friend who had been accused of a grave crime
• Flying in an unsafe contraption over northern Germany
• Breaking up with Chad and wondering why I had let that happen
• Finding out my dad was dying
• Getting really angry at some good friends for no good reason

A lot of these dreams really sound comical written out in black and white, huh?! But on a more serious note, I’ve been tired easier and more often than usual lately, and I’m wondering if it’s because my sleep isn’t restful because of my dreams. Has anyone else experienced crazy dreams like this? Or do you think I should seek psychological help? :)

Transitions

I like change. I think there is value in having things mixed up every once and a while. During the course of my college career, I've been able to experience a lot of changes, because I have moved so often (including two moves to international places). It's been nice, but I have realized that while I do like the final outcome of change, I have a hard time with the transition part of change. Here’s a poem I wrote about how I sometimes feel during transitions.

Scrambled
My life is a bucket.
Turned upside down.
And emptied of all its contents.

My plans.
My purpose.
My feelings.

My thoughts.
My motivations.
My fears.

My past.
My present.
My future.

I am trying hard to gather them up.
To piece them all back together.
But all the pieces don’t fit.

They are Scrambled.
Jumbled.
Discombobulated.

I am Scrambling.
Jumbling.
Discombobulating.

I hope I’ll wake up soon.
As Mary Poppins’ carpet bag.
And everything will magically fit!

Expect resistance

"The great learner expects resistance and overcomes it." -Elder Eyring, 1997 BYU Devotional Address

I think this is great advice. For school, work, health, relationships, righteous living, etc. We are going to have resistance, but we can overcome it! And I think it'll probably be easier if we expect it. That way when it comes, we won't waste energy freaking out over it. We can instead put all our energy into overcoming it.

Loaded Questions!

I am following Jessi and Audra's lead in answering these questions from my favorite game, Loaded Questions.

Favorite kind of cereal: For healthy value: grape nuts and Great Grains. For yummy value: Lucky Charms.
What animal or insect disgusts you the most? I really don't like large hairy spiders.
What do you need more of right now? Time to read text books and write papers.
What is the hardest thing for you to do? I have a hard time motivating myself to do push ups or ab exercises after running.
Deoderant brand: Secret
How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Between 15 minutes to 1.5 hours.
What is your most prized object? I don't have one, but I do cherish my laptop, afghan, London scrapbook, and pearl necklace.
What are you thankful you're not doing now? Starving.
If you talked in your sleep, what would you say? I do talk in my sleep, and I say random, meaningless things. Actually, there's one exception to that--one time my roommate told me I bore my testimony really fast in my sleep.
What is your favorite drink? Sparkling grape juice
Favorite way to eat potatoes? Garlic mashed potatoes.
If you could be a character in any novel, who would you be? I don't want to be anyone but me, but I do like Elinor Dashwood, Jane Eyre, Anne of Green Gables, and Anne Elliot.
Favorite ice cream toppings: If I could pick one, it would be Tina and Tony's home-made caramel from the London Centre. But in just any regular context: Magic Shell and toffee bits.
Where do you want to spend the rest of your life? Lots and lots of places.
What do you bring most to a friendship? Kindness.
On a scale of 1-10, how hip are you? 6. Can anyone imagine me hip-hop dancing? Haha.
What kind of music makes you want to get up and sing? Musicals, country music, and oldies.
What are you an expert in? Playing with Romanian orphans.
What have you tried and simply were not good at? Snow-skiing.
Favorite movie line? "My heart is, and always will be...yours."
What is your "theme song"? Martina McBride's "Blessed"
What is your most annoying habit? To me--eating too much. To others--I think I talk pretty loud when I talk on the phone.
If fat, calories, etc. weren't an issue, what food would you feast on? The better question is, what food would I NOT feast on?
How much can you bench press? Not very much, but I don't really know because it's been years since I've been weight-lifting.
What fictional character would you like to meet? Sarah Agnes Prine.
What is the ultimate vacation? Somewhere I've never been before with people I love who are well-traveled and have my same values in traveling.
What is the best thing about your job? The flexibility and power I have over how I use my time.
What is the worst thing about your job? Not enough people interaction--too much reading, studying, writing papers by myself.
What is the last movie that made your eyes tear up? I can't remember. I might have teared up in "Wives and Daughters," but I can't remember.
What super-power would you like? The ability to be in a different location at the snap of my fingers--traveling and dating someone an hour away would be so much easier that way!
Would you rather be smart, rich, or beautiful? Smart.
What advice would you give to the President? Be grateful, smart, clean, true, humble, and prayerful.
What character attribute do you admire most? I have two: humility and compassion.
Where do you usually buy your clothes? Gap.
What is the nicest thing you have ever bought somebody? Audra's "Les Mis" tickets.
How would you spend $1000? I'd put it in my savings account and end up using it on a lot of little things.
What do you want to change about your life? How in shape and strong I am.
Who is your best friend? Chad.
What would you like to accomplish this year? Get in shape, graduate, get a job.
What book has had the greatest impact on your life? The Book of Mormon.
What do you do everyday? Pray, eat, talk, read.
What food do you refuse to eat? Shrimp--not because I don't like it, but because it doesn't like me. :)
What one word would you use to describe your current relationship? Blissful.
What is the best purchase you have made? My laptop.
What one word describes your life? Happily busy.

Humility and Humor

I love this picture. She looks Romanian. And really happy. One of my goals for this year is to enjoy the work and hard things in my life. I want to make the most of what I've got, and not get too stressed about anything. I want to have a sense of humor about myself and the things I'm going through. I want to laugh a lot! And I've decided that in order to do this, I gotta be humble. In order to have a sense of HUMor about myself, I gotta be HUMble! :)

I've been reading a lot of my journal entries from Romania in the last couple days, and I have just gotten a kick out of a lot of them! It's so fun to look back and laugh at myself, and laugh at how I still have a lot of the quirks found in those journal entries. Life is grand when you can laugh at yourself!

"E bine!"

Chad and I have recently had a few conversations about the pervasive attitude in our nation that we deserve whatever we want. It's normal for us to feel like we are entitled to so many things that most people in the history of the world have never had. And because of this, it's easy to fall into the trap of ungratefulness.

I haven't thought much about this until recently, and when Chad has brought it up, it has made a lot of sense to me. In Romania, the many times the phone, internet, heater, and washing machine didn't work, it was no big deal. Because we were in Romania--that's what we expected!

But since being home, I have found myself feeling so bothered when things haven't worked. There were some problems in our apartment complex this week, and so we weren't supposed to use our washing machine for a couple days, and one night our hot water had to be turned off for a little bit. Not a big deal, and yet I felt so inconvenienced! And then one day this week, in the middle of printing off a huge document for school, the printer I was using in the BYU library got jammed and messed up the order of a few pages in the middle of the document. My immediate reaction was to feel super irritated, but I had to tell myself that it was going to be okay and to just calm down.

This is disturbing to me! I think if these things had happened in Romania, my response would have been to let it go and say, "E bine!" I said, "E bine!" all the time in Romania. "E bine" means "It's cool/It's fine/It's good/No problem/Etc." in Romanian. I miss saying it, and I think I want to start saying "It's good" as often here as I said "E bine" while I was in Romania. I was so easy-going with malfunctioning things in Romania, and I want to have that same attitude here. I was so good at being inconvenienced in Romania, and I want to continue to strengthen and develop this attribute in America.

I don't want to be an ungrateful American. I want to always be grateful for my washing machine, hot water heater, and BYU printers, rather than feeling so irritated when they are temporarily malfunctioning. For the rest of my life, I want to battle the temptation to feel entitled to or deserving of whatever I want.

My Sisters

I have the best sisters in the world. I am so grateful that I was able to spend Christmas break with them. I had such a good time with them! They are such good examples to me of righteous women, daughters of God, wives, mothers, and neighbors. I hope I can grow to be more like them every day. I admire them so much!

I admire how Jessi:

Responds, "Absolutely!" when her kids or her kids' friends ask her for something they can have.

Decorates her home in the way that makes her (and me!) feel good and happy.

Is so self-sacrificing and willing to spend tons of time on service and gifts that are meaningful and special for her friends and family.

Gets not only herself ready and pretty every day, but also her four girls.

Can do amazing amounts of laundry.

Responds to her girls' moments of stubborness, sadness, embarrassment, and tantrums with patience and compassion.

Sits alone with her four girls all through Sacrament meeting every Sunday.

Can talk me through an emotional breakdown, helping me arrive at reason without making me feel stupid or guilty. :)

I admire how Audra:

Listens to her kids in a way that makes them feel comfortable to tell her anything.

Is so good at record-keeping, scrap-booking, photography, and the visual arts in general.

Can shop and accessorize as though it was nothing! :)

Praises her kids in a way that builds their self-confidence, without reinforcing the idea that their worth comes from their accomplishments.

Has a high-degree of self-awareness and self-understanding.

Teaches her boys why things are right and wrong, and doesn't withdraw love when they choose the wrong.

Encourages (and endures) her boys' extraordinary levels of energy and enthusiasm for life.

Can talk me through an emotional breakdown, helping me arrive at reason without making me feel stupid or guilty. :)

P.S. And aren't they both so beautiful?!!

I want to be smart

I have so much writing to do for my classes, I feel like I don't have time to write in my blog. But I think I'll try to post real short entries with quick thoughts for fun.
And today, I want to share something my mom told me today: No effort is wasted. Isn't that great?! No effort is wasted! Even if the effort doesn't result in any tangible or visible outcomes.
Also, I wanted to say that it's hard for me to be at school and not get sucked up in the attitude that being smart is the most important thing in the world. Yesterday I came home from my classes wanting to be smart so bad. Yesterday as I was thinking about that, I thought to myself, "I want to be smart...and social, and skinny, and spiritual, and successful..." Sometimes it's hard to not become overwhelmed here at BYU! Or remember what's most important. I need to remember that it's nice to be smart, but it's smarter to be nice. :) (Okay, so that's not how the MormonAd goes, but oh well...)
Also, it feels wonderful to be reunited with the BYU library. Oh how I love it!


Also, today I decided I need to be more humble. A lot more humble. I'll work on it.

My Amazing Boyfriend

Last August I posted an entry about how we can all do hard things if we believe in ourselves. My boyfriend Chad is an incredible example of this to me. I am consistently amazed by his ability to face challenges, cope with opposition, and do hard things! Right now he is in his second year of residency in pediatrics, and the demands placed on him at work are enormous. Not only is his work taxing physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. But I never hear him complain. He enjoys his work, and makes the most of the unpleasant aspects of the career he has chosen

You'd think his work would wear him out enough, but he also finds time to take on additional challenging activities outside of work. Last August during a particularly demanding rotation, he spent the one and only day he had off hiking Mt. Timpanogos with me. This picture is actually of us at the top of the mountain. The 16 mile hike left me sore for days after, but he was hardly phased by it. And why is that? Because he was well prepared by the triathlon he had completed less than a month prior.

Not only that, but he also finds time to travel, learn foreign languages, and save the world. :) Last September he completed a rotation in Guatemala, while undergoing a rigorous 4 week Spanish course. He also spent a week in Ecuador during a week he had off last June, and is currently planning a trip to Mexico with his family this March.

Speaking of Chad's family, he also makes sure to spend as much time with them as he can. I have been able to attend many family gatherings with him, and there have been even more I have not been able to attend with him. I know he is greatly loved as a son, grandson, nephew, brother, and uncle. Last weekend when I was able to see his family again for the first time in over four months, the first thing his three year old nephew said to me was, "Where's Uncle Chad?" Everyone loves him, because he is kind, humble, compassionate, witty, helpful, respectful, tolerant, and forgiving.

Now, you may just think I'm biased because I'm in love, but I really do think that anyone who knows Chad would agree with me that he is one remarkable person. And you know what's really remarkable? On top of everything, he still finds the time and energy to spend time with me, do the things I want to do (like hike Mt. Timpanogos!!), do nice things for me, talk to me on the phone, make the hour drive to visit me, and give me the emotional support I need. Wow, huh!!! Am I one lucky girl or what?!

Decisions, decisions

On a Friday in mid November, I went to a Relief Society activity at the Vila. At one point in the activity, we sat in a circle and each sister said a few things about themselves. I thought it was a simple enough request, and I didn’t think much about what I was going to say before my turn came. Instead, I just listened to what every one else had to say, and figured I could come up with a few interesting things to say about myself on the spot.

But when my turn came, my mind was blank of unique things to say. Only three things came to my mind—I loved working with the kids at the orphanage and the hospital, Chad C*, and the Book of Mormon. And none of them seemed quite appropriate for the setting to share. And so after sputtering awkwardly for a couple moments, I said that I liked to read, bake, and spend time with my family—three things that a lot of the other women had said they liked to do. While it’s true that I do love these things, I didn’t feel like they captured who I was at the moment. I hadn’t done a whole lot of reading, baking, or spending time with my family for a long time.

As I walked home that night, I thought more about things I could have said when it was my turn to share. As I thought more about it, I remembered that I liked to play tennis, and ballroom dance, and go hiking. It was almost as if I had momentarily forgotten these things about myself!My life was so simple in Romania.

Now I’m back home, and I realize I have to start thinking about myself more often. For instance, my wardrobe is getting a little old and worn out, and so my sisters and I went to the mall yesterday to revamp it. And I was forced to think about what my tastes are in clothes and accessories. As I tried on one article of clothing after another, the idea of just throwing on a pair of scrubs and taking a walk to the hospital sounded quite appealing. In Romania, I didn’t have to worry about all these complicated issues of whether these pants fit me right, or whether I like this shirt with that sweater, or if these pants match that blouse. I just wore scrubs every day!

But wearing scrubs all day every day for the rest of my life isn’t really an option, and neither is revolving my life solely around a few orphans, a long-distance boyfriend, and the Book of Mormon. I’m going to have to start thinking more about what I like, what I want, and how I want to spend my time and resources. Decisions, decisions!!

But here are a few things that I don't have to decide, because I already know them about myself:
I am a sucker for Cinderella stories. The movies Rudy, Seabiscuit, and Cinderella Man make me want to shout for joy.
I am a morning person. I feel better all day when I go to bed early and wake up early.
I sing with gusto whenever I sing in a church setting, because I love the concept of praising God through song. However, I am not too confident in my ability to sing solos for the pleasure of others’ ears.
I don’t know much about the principles of art, music, dance, movie-making, or theater, but I am absolutely delighted by them. I love imaginative stories, passionate music, and vibrant pictures in movies. I am moved by beautiful dancing. I love how walking through art museums uplifts my soul and widens my perspective of my own life. I love how going to the Symphony clears the palate of my mind.
I can eat a lot. In Romania, whenever we would visit someone and they would feed us tons of food, I would always still be going strong when others were reaching their limit of fullness. I also am able to enjoy a lot of foods others find unpleasant.
I love the Testing Center at BYU. I think it’s exciting to think about all the knowledge that is gone over and demonstrated in that building. In fact, I like the whole college atmosphere of learning and discovery and accomplishment.
I am naturally afraid of heights, but I’m trying to overcome that fear. I’ve never been afraid of flying in an airplane, though.
I love the smell of coffee and the taste of grapes, and I think if I weren't LDS I would love drinking coffee and wine. This is what the grapes looked like that I would always get from the piata in Romania--yumm!! I already miss them. They were so delicious.

Ionut

Yesterday we found out Ionut passed away. He passed away on Tuesday night, just one week after Iulia did. I loved this kid so much. He is my angel. I know I was there to comfort him, but I'm sure he comforted me more than I did him. I can't say how many times he was a source of spiritual strength and inspiration to me. I will miss him so much, but I will never forget him. He has changed my heart.

Nearly two months ago we had a false alarm and thought Ionut had died. I broke down, because I was not ready to let him go. I felt like I still needed him. Holly played this song as she tried to sort out her feelings, and I just sobbed as I listened to it. I will always think of him whenever I hear this song now. I love you, Ionut.















Tears in Heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven

Choosing rather than reacting

It’s best not to react to others’ behavior, but to choose for yourself how you will treat others, regardless of how they treat you. Even if others aren’t a friend to me, I can choose to be a friend to them. Even if others aren’t kind to me, I can choose to be kind to them. Even if others irritate me, I can choose to treat them with respect and concern and love. I can choose how I will feel and act—my feelings and behavior don’t have to be dependent on others’ feelings and behavior.

Emotional Orphans

At the orphanage, we get beat up a lot. For various reasons, we get stepped on, smacked, head-butted, punched, poked with sharp objects, kicked, and scratched. Our hair gets pulled daily. Being peed on or wiped with snot or spit is not a startling occurrence. But it usually doesn’t bother me, because they really don’t know better. I mean, come on, they’re orphans! No one is there to teach them any better. And often, it is just an accident, and they don’t mean to hurt me.
Well, it occurred to me that that’s the best way to respond when others hurt you. Because we are all emotional orphans in some aspects. No parent is perfect—no parent can teach their children everything. So when others hurt you, it’s best to just give them the benefit of the doubt that no one was there to teach them any better, that they really didn’t mean to hurt you, or that they just couldn’t help themselves. It’s best to just choose to be the bigger person and not get offended. Like Nephi did, it’s best to just “frankly forgive them” (1 Nephi 7:21).

On Wants and Needs

If you want something, ask for it! It’s your responsibility—not anyone else’s—to make sure your wants and needs are being met. It’s best to not victimize yourself when your wants or needs aren’t being met, but rather do what you can to get them met. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, become bitter or angry, or pout when you want someone to meet a need and they aren’t meeting it. They probably don’t even know you have that need, let alone that it is unmet or that you want them to meet it! So ask! And then do what you can to help them meet it. It works better that way.